Feeding Myself, Finding Freedom: my journey with a g-tube

“But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” James 1:4

What Does It Mean to Truly Rely on Others?

When I first had my G-tube placed, I had no idea how dependent I would be. In the hospital, the nurses handled everything for me—adding the extension, holding the syringe, pouring the formula, even administering crushed and diluted medications through the tube. It all happened without me having to lift a finger, because at that time... I couldn’t.

The feedings were simple in schedule—just three meals a day—but physically and emotionally, it was anything but simple. I was weak, healing, and overwhelmed. I didn’t have the strength, coordination, or understanding to participate in my own care. I just had to be still, let someone else take over, and trust the process.

The Transition Home: More Calories, More Challenges

Once I returned home, my schedule changed drastically. I was in physical, occupational, and speech therapy three days a week, three hours at a time. That much movement increased my need for calories—and fast. I couldn’t survive on three small feedings a day. I needed five, sometimes six, just to keep up.

But each of those meals still had to be administered by someone else.

It’s one thing to be dependent in a hospital setting, where care is expected. It’s another thing entirely to feel helpless in your own home, having to ask someone every few hours, “Can you feed me?” Or, “Can you crush this medicine for me?”

That stage of life required humility, patience, and a whole lot of grace—not just from God, but from those around me, too.

Gradual Progress: A Milestone in My Hand

The first real sign of independence didn’t look like much to most people—but to me, it was a miracle.

I could hold my own syringe.

My hand didn’t wobble as much. I could brace my arm just enough to steady the extension. Someone else still had to pour the liquid, but the act of me holding it—of physically participating in my feeding—was monumental.

It was a moment where I felt my body obeying again, just a little.

“Despise not the day of small things,” the Scripture says in Zechariah 4:10. And I didn’t. I celebrated it.

Learning to Pour, Bit by Bit

From there, I graduated to pouring small amounts of formula myself. I couldn’t do it from any container—I needed wide, short ones where I had a steady grip. My dexterity was still weak. But I was pouring. I was contributing.

Each stage wasn’t just physical progress—it was spiritual, too. Every new step was a reminder that healing doesn't always come all at once. Sometimes, it’s gradual. Sometimes, it’s slow. But always, it’s in God’s time.

“Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.” 1 Thessalonians 5:24

“He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.” Isaiah 40:29

Growing Capable: From Partial to Full Independence

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Philippians 4:13

After those small, early milestones, I gradually began doing some of my feedings completely on my own—not all of them, but just one or two a day to start. It was a matter of endurance and timing. Some parts of the day I had more energy and stability, so I’d feed myself during those windows. Other times, I still needed help.

But that’s how growth works—it’s not always linear. Sometimes progress feels slow, even invisible, but it’s still happening.

Practice, Therapy, and Confidence

Through continued therapy and intentional practice, my coordination steadily improved. Little by little, my hands stopped trembling as much. My arms grew stronger. The movements became smoother. I was building not just muscle, but confidence.

Now, I’m able to prepare my tube feedings entirely on my own. I gather the syringe and extension set, which locks securely into my G-tube—just a small, button-like piece that protrudes slightly from my stomach. It’s what’s known as a Mickey button, and though it’s a permanent part of my body, it’s also become something I’ve grown quite comfortable managing.

Creating My Setup: Simple, but Mine

I’ve also developed my own little system—a setup that works for me. I lay a hand towel across my lap like a large napkin, just in case of spills, which still happen from time to time. Feeding myself isn’t always clean or perfect, but it’s mine.

That towel isn’t just fabric—it’s part of my independence. It represents my readiness. My ability. My ownership of this process.

“For thou hast girded me with strength unto the battle: thou hast subdued under me those that rose up against me.” Psalm 18:39

From Synthetic to Whole: Rethinking My Nutrition

Over the years, what goes into my body has also evolved. I used to rely strictly on hospital-supplied formula—calorie-dense, shelf-stable, but not very wholesome.

Eventually, I began using over-the-counter protein shakes and powders, tweaking my nutrition to better fit my needs. Now, I use a combination of those protein supplements and real food blend pouches for my main meals. These are made of pureed, whole foods—balanced and easier on my stomach. They also give me a greater sense of eating something real, even if it doesn’t pass through my mouth.

I’m currently back to three meals a day, carefully calculated to meet my body’s needs. On days I go to the gym, I try to reach up to 2,500 calories. My baseline goal is at least one gram of protein per pound of body weight, because I know that protein builds strength and keeps me full.

There’s a strategy to all of this, and it’s one I’ve learned through time, prayer, and discipline.

The Gift of Feeding Myself

I no longer have to wait on someone else’s schedule. I don’t have to feel guilty for asking for help or worry about whether someone is available. I can respond to my body’s needs when I feel hungry. And yes—I do feel hunger and fullness, just like anyone else. Occasionally, I’ll burp and taste the food I’ve put into my tube. That may sound strange to some, but to me, it’s a reminder that my body is still connected to the act of nourishment.

This autonomy is one of the greatest gifts God has given me in recent years. Not just the ability to feed myself, but the freedom to do so confidently.

“The Lord is my strength and song, and is become my salvation.” Psalm 118:14

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Galatians 6:9

Freedom to Come and Go

Being able to completely manage my tube feedings now is a tremendous blessing. It gives me freedom—not just the ability to eat when I’m hungry, but the independence to come and go as I please.

Whether I’m at home, visiting a friend, out for a day trip, or even on an extended trip for several days or weeks, I can take care of my feedings without help. I don’t have to structure my life around someone else’s availability. That kind of independence is something I once only dreamed of, and now it’s part of my daily life. And I thank God for that.

A Lighthearted Spirit

One more thing I want to say—because it matters. I’m not sensitive or easily offended when it comes to talking about my G-tube. In fact, I’m very open about it, and I even joke about it myself sometimes. So if someone else cracks a joke or brings it up, that’s fine with me. It doesn’t upset me or make me feel ashamed. It’s just part of my life, and I’d rather laugh about it than let it weigh me down.

“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” Proverbs 17:22

This tube doesn’t define me—but it has certainly helped shape me into a stronger, more patient, and more joyful version of myself.

One Step at a Time

They say Rome wasn’t built in a day, and I try to keep that in front of me when progress feels slow. Every new movement, every time I pour without spilling, every feeding I do myself—each one is a brick in the foundation of my healing. I'm not where I used to be, and that alone is reason to give God praise.

Sometimes we rush toward the end goal, forgetting that the journey is what shapes us. But I’ve learned through this process that the small victories are sacred, and the daily steps are holy ground.

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.” Psalm 37:23

Final Thought

If you’re walking through your own slow journey—whether it’s with a feeding tube, chronic illness, or just the process of learning to do life differently—know this: progress isn’t always loud, and healing doesn’t always look like it used to. But every step counts. And every step brings you closer to strength, stability, and the peace God has for you.

Up Next…

I often get asked, “What do you do at night? Do you have to spit your saliva while sleeping?”
That’s a great question—and I’ll be addressing it in an upcoming post. So stay tuned!

Be encouraged. 🧡                                                                     🎵Hold On

Faith Beyond the Ashes: Job's story still teaches

"But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold." Job 23:10

The Weight of Job

Lately, the Book of Job has been heavy on my heart. It’s one of those books I’ve returned to time and again—not because it’s easy to read, but because it speaks to the very soul of human suffering and divine sovereignty. If you’ve ever walked through grief, loss, injury, or pain that defied understanding, you may already know why Job’s story stands out.

Job wasn’t just a man who suffered; he was a man who remained steadfast in the midst of unimaginable sorrow. He lost his wealth, his children, his health, and the support of those closest to him. And in the middle of it all, he poured out his heart to God—not with polished prayers, but with raw, unfiltered questions. It was not rebellion, but relationship. He was hurting, and he took that pain straight to the Lord.

The Lesson of True Friendship

Of all the many lessons we can learn from the Book of Job, perhaps one of the most overlooked is this: what does it mean to be a true friend? Job's friends started well. They sat in silence with him for seven days, which shows that sometimes the ministry of presence is more powerful than words. But when they finally spoke, they failed him. Instead of offering grace, they offered judgment. Instead of holding him up, they tore him down.

We must learn from their mistake.

When someone is suffering, they don’t need our theories. They don’t need us to explain or fix everything. They need us to sit with them, to pray for them, to love them without condition. Sometimes just being present is the most Christ-like thing we can do.

And while Job’s friends missed the mark, there is a Friend who never does.

"A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24

Jesus is that friend. The one who knows our pain, hears our cries, and never leaves our side. He doesn’t accuse. He doesn’t abandon. He walks with us through every fire and carries us when we can’t go another step.

Personal Reflection

I think about my own life when I read Job. I think about the wreck I survived in 2009, the lasting injuries, and the many struggles since. There were times when I didn’t know if healing, or even getting out of bed, was a possibility. There were nights of tears, days of silence, and seasons where prayer was all I had left. But through it all, I learned something that Job knew before me: With God, all things are possible.

"Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him." Job 13:15

That verse isn't just a poetic line—it's a lifeline. It says, “Even if I don’t understand, I still believe.” It reminds me that faith is not the absence of pain but the presence of trust. Job knew his Redeemer lived, even while sitting in ashes.

Witnessing Others' Battles

Recently, I’ve been surrounded by others fighting their own Job-like battles. One situation in particular has been resting on my heart: someone I know received a terminal cancer diagnosis. The doctors gave no hope. The cancer had spread, even into the brain. Hospice was brought in. They chose to forego aggressive treatment, and I fully understand that choice. Sometimes the treatments feel worse than the illness itself. The sickness steals your strength, and the cure can rob your dignity.

Seeing someone face that kind of battle makes you think deeply about the fragility of life. About how quick it all goes. And yet, it also reveals what matters most—faith, peace, and the assurance of eternity.

Refining Fire

Job’s statement, "when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold," has echoed in my soul many times. Fire is painful. Trials are not easy. But what if this life—full of all its brokenness—is the furnace that refines us for eternity?

We don’t always get answers in this life. Job didn’t get one either, not really. God never told him why he suffered, but He reminded him who He was. And sometimes, that’s enough.

"For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth." Job 19:25

That kind of faith endures even when the body is breaking down. It keeps us anchored when the wind blows hard. It tells us we are not forgotten. That God still knows the way we take—even when we don’t know the way ourselves.

Hope That Cannot Die

To those going through a season of suffering right now—whether in body, mind, or spirit—Job’s story is not a tale of defeat. It’s a testimony of trust. It tells us we can question, we can cry, we can sit in silence. But we don’t have to lose hope.

Hope is not denial. It’s not pretending everything is fine. Hope is choosing to believe in God’s goodness even when nothing makes sense. It’s holding on to the hem of His garment, trusting that one day, healing will come—whether on this side of eternity or the next.

Job’s life didn’t end in ashes. God restored him. But even if that restoration had looked different, his faith still would have been enough. That’s the kind of faith I want. The kind that says:

"Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21

To be tried, to be broken, to be humbled—and still to bless the name of the Lord. That’s gold. That’s what lasts.

So wherever you are in your own story, know this: God knows the way you take. Your suffering is not wasted. Your faith is not in vain. And when this refining is over—you, too, shall come forth as gold.

God Knew Job—and He Knows Us

One of the most remarkable parts of Job’s story is something Job himself never knew. He didn’t know that it was God who pointed him out to Satan. That blows my mind every time I think about it. The Lord said to Satan:

"Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil?" Job 1:8

God had confidence in Job's faithfulness. Imagine that. God knew Job would endure—even when Job didn’t know what was going on behind the scenes. That speaks volumes about how God sees us when we’re walking through something we don’t understand.

Sometimes, the trials we face are not because of our failures, but because of our faithfulness. It’s not punishment—it’s refinement. It’s not rejection—it’s trust. God trusted Job to endure. And in that same way, I believe God knows what we can handle, and more importantly, what He can bring us through.

Faith Beyond Understanding

As I’ve said before, every one of us has our own struggles and battles to face in life. No one walks through this world unscathed. But the way we face those trials—that becomes our testimony.

Job did not know God would restore him. He had no guarantee that things would turn around. Yet, he chose to stay faithful. He chose trust over bitterness. He chose praise over silence. That’s the kind of determination that speaks louder than any sermon. That’s a life lived in surrender, not because of the outcome, but because of who God is.

God saw Job’s faithfulness. And He rewarded it—not because Job was perfect, but because Job held on.

God Finishes What He Starts

I have to remind myself often: God is not sloppy. He’s not careless. He’s not forgetful. He is a God of completion. A God of perfection.

"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ."  Philippians 1:6

He doesn’t do things halfway. He finishes what He starts. And knowing that gives me peace—peace when life is uncertain, peace when prayers seem unanswered, peace when the process feels long and painful.

We see this throughout Scripture:

• Noah didn’t just build a boat—he saw dry land again.
• Joseph didn’t just suffer in prison—he stood in Pharaoh’s palace.
• David didn’t just run from Saul—he became king.
• Jesus didn’t just die—He rose again.

That is the God I serve. One who redeems. One who restores. One who completes.

He Will Make a Way

There have been so many moments in my own life where I could not see a way forward. I didn’t understand the next step. I didn’t know how anything good could come from where I was. But here’s the thing—I didn’t have to. He did.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord." Isaiah 55:8

That’s why I can trust Him. Because when I come to the end of myself, He is just getting started. When there seems to be no way—He makes one. He parts seas. He rolls away stones. He opens doors no man can shut.

I don’t have to know everything. I don’t have to understand the “why.” I just have to trust the Who.

Final Encouragement

If you're in a season of loss, grief, illness, or uncertainty—remember Job. Remember that he didn’t have all the answers. He didn’t even have hope of restoration. But he had trust. And it was enough.

"Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him." Job 13:15

You may not see the end of the road right now. You may be tired, discouraged, or overwhelmed. But the God who began a good work in you will finish it. He is not done. He sees your tears. He knows your name. And He will bring you forth as gold.

So hold on to Him, because He is holding on to you.

Do you feel like Job, perhaps?

 Be encouraged. 🧡

God Sees Beyond the Surface

As the days stretch longer and the skies warm with sunshine, I find myself pulled in many directions. The calendar starts to fill—appointments, gatherings, errands, obligations—and though these are often good things, I feel this tug in my heart not to lose sight of what matters most: sharing a word of encouragement with you.

I’ll be honest—I didn’t sit down with a specific message in mind this time. I’m trusting God to guide these words as they unfold. Sometimes, when life is busy, the heart gets quiet. Not because it has nothing to say, but because it’s waiting—waiting for the right moment, the right words, the right opportunity. Maybe this is that moment.

Lately, I’ve found myself struggling with the feeling of having to “appear” a certain way. Do you ever feel that way too? Like you can’t let folks see your real thoughts or your tired soul? Like you’ve got to wear a mask just to get through the day?

I think we all do it at times. We smile when we’re hurting. We say “I’m fine” when we’re barely holding on. We serve others while silently hoping someone might see our own need. But God sees. Oh, how He sees.

“For the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

There is such comfort in knowing that God isn’t fooled by our mask. He sees behind it. He knows when we’re overwhelmed, weary, or just longing for a quiet place to breathe. And He invites us to come to Him exactly as we are.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

If today you’re wearing a mask—trying to keep it together for others, pushing past your own weariness—know that God isn’t asking for your perfection. He’s asking for your honesty. He wants your heart. He wants you to come just as you are.

Even in a full schedule, He has a place for us to rest. Even in a world that demands a polished image, He gives us permission to be real. And when we show up—raw, honest, and seeking—He meets us with grace.

“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

The Power of a Testimony

Speaking of being real, I want to share a personal testimony from just a couple of weeks ago. Because Revelation 12:11 tells us:

“And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony…” Revelation 12:11

Testimonies have power. They are not just stories; they are evidence of God’s presence and work in our lives. And I believe with all my heart that what He does for one, He can and will do for another. God does not play favorites, and He is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34). So if this touched me, maybe it will touch you too.

During a recent church service, I had been quietly struggling. I didn’t know exactly how to respond to God’s spiritual tug on my heart. I felt unsure—unsure of how to pray, unsure if I was hearing right, unsure if I should go to someone, or just stay where I was. I had this weight in my soul, this longing to feel close to God, but also a hesitancy I couldn't quite name.

And so I prayed.

It wasn’t a fancy prayer or even a long one. I just told the Lord that I didn’t even know what to ask for. I admitted that I didn’t know whether I needed to go to the altar, speak to someone, or just sit quietly. But I asked Him, simply and sincerely, “Lord, if I need prayer—could You please send someone to me?”

Within minutes, a dear saint came to my pew, leaned over gently, and said, “I want to pray for you.” Just like that. No prompting. No signal. Just God, answering in real time.

That moment reached deep into my heart. It was exactly what I needed. Not just the prayer, but the reassurance that God sees me. He heard a quiet prayer of uncertainty and responded with perfect timing and love. That wasn’t coincidence. That was God—personal, compassionate, present.

He Sees and Responds

I share this because maybe you’ve felt that same quiet struggle. Maybe you’ve been in a place where you didn’t have the words. Maybe your heart has been overwhelmed to the point where all you could do was sit in silence and hope that somehow, God would meet you there.

He will.

God doesn’t require grand gestures from us. He meets us in the whisper. In the tear. In the moments when we admit we don’t have it all figured out. That day in church reminded me once again how near He is to the brokenhearted.

“The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” Psalm 34:18

And here’s what else I want you to know: I have not arrived. I have not evolved into some spiritually perfect version of myself. I still need God’s help, His guidance, His comfort, His correction—every single day. I need prayers at all levels of my being. And I believe that makes me a candidate for grace, not disqualification from it.

More Than Words

I also struggled with what to say this time. I never want my words to feel empty. I don’t want them to just sit on a page. I want you to feel them, to connect, to know that you're not alone in whatever you're pursuing or facing.

Whether it’s a healthier lifestyle, diving deeper into Bible study, or tackling a brand-new endeavor, I want you to be reminded of one foundational truth:

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Philippians 4:13

This verse has anchored me through countless challenges, especially during my recovery journey—a journey still in motion, still incomplete. But even though the process isn’t finished, I take hope in the progress. Each day is a step closer than the one before.

I’ve often held this truth close: If God has brought you to it, He will bring you through it. It’s not just a nice saying—it’s been a lifeline. When I couldn’t see the way forward, He made a way. And He’ll do the same for you.

Sometimes, when we feel that way—not knowing what to do or say—it can bring feelings of shame or discouragement. We may wonder, “Why can’t I get this right?” or “Why do I still feel stuck when I’m trying so hard to please the Lord?”

When we’re doing our best to live right, to listen for His voice, to honor Him in our daily walk—but we still feel like it’s not enough, like something’s missing—that’s a vulnerable place. And I just want to say: you are not alone there.

I’ve been sitting in that space too. And I have to believe—I choose to believe—that clarity is coming.

It may not come in flashing lights or sudden answers. But it will come. God is not a God of confusion. He is a God of peace, of order, and of gentle leading. And when we stay near to Him, even in our uncertainty, He promises to direct our paths.

“For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace…” 1 Corinthians 14:33

...So hold on. If that’s where you are right now—between questions and clarity—just keep holding on. Because He hasn’t forgotten you.

And when He does answer, it’s often in the most personal, unmistakable ways. I go back to that moment in church—a moment I’ll never forget—when I asked God silently, from the depths of my unsure heart, if someone might come pray with me. I didn’t even have the words. I just knew I needed Him to move.

And He did.

That dear sister came to my pew with no idea what I had just prayed. But God knew. He heard. He answered.

There is such great comfort in knowing that the very thing I whispered in prayer—He responded to. It wasn’t grand or loud, but it was precise, timely, and full of His care. That’s the kind of God we serve: one who sees the need, hears the heart, and answers in love.

“Before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.” Isaiah 65:24

Grace for Today

So, if you're reading this and thinking, “That sounds like me—unsure, weary, hidden behind a mask”—then you’re not alone. You are seen. You are loved. And you are right where God can reach you.

Today, don’t worry about looking the part. Just be real. Lay your burdens before the Lord, even if all you can do is whisper His name. He’s listening. He’s responding. And sometimes, He might just send someone to your pew too.

With all my heart, be encouraged 🧡

                                                                   🎵Listen to these words Trust in God

Endure the Season Before You: God's timing is never late

For quite a while now, I’ve been searching for a part-time job — one that would not only fit within my physical limitations but also stay within the income restrictions tied to my disability. That may not sound too difficult at first, but when you begin looking at what’s actually out there, the reality sets in fast: most positions are either too many hours, too physically demanding, or they pay just enough to jeopardize the help I depend on. That limitation adds a layer of pressure most people don’t think about. It’s not that I don't want to work — it's that I can’t afford to say yes to the wrong thing.

And I’ll be honest — that weighed on me. I’d scroll through job listings and come away discouraged more often than not. There was always something that disqualified the option. Either it required me to be on my feet too much, or it exceeded the monthly earning limit that could throw everything else off balance. The world will tell you “there’s always something out there if you just keep looking.” But what happens when all the somethings just don’t fit?

I felt all of it — the frustration, the discouragement, the weariness — but I knew those emotions couldn’t be allowed to take the lead. They were real, yes, but faith had to guide me, not feelings.

Then one day, I came across the testimony of a woman who’d been in a very similar place. She had gone through training, had the skills, and had applied to jobs — but nothing was working out. Her frustration eventually boiled over. She told God, “I’m tired. I’ve done everything I can. If there’s something for me, You bring it to me.” That prayer hit me hard. I knew exactly what that weariness felt like. You pray, and you try, and you keep trying — but there’s a different kind of surrender when you finally say, “Lord, You do it.”

At the time I heard her story, I had already backed away from job hunting. I was tired too. Every lead I found felt like another closed door. But her story planted something in me — a quiet reminder that God sees us, even when we feel hidden in the shuffle of online applications and missed chances.

And wouldn’t you know it? A couple of months later, I got a message from extended family members who were looking for someone to help with part-time administrative tasks. The hours? Perfect. The pay? Right in line. The physical demands? Totally manageable. I didn’t go looking for it — it came to me.

You can call it coincidence if you want, but I know better. God heard me when I stopped striving and simply surrendered. He heard her too, and I believe He’s still in the business of showing up right on time — especially when we’re too tired to look anymore.

God Sees What We Don’t

Sometimes we become so focused on what we think is supposed to happen that we miss what God is actually doing. I thought I needed to keep hunting, keep applying, and keep striving — but none of it brought peace. And in hindsight, I can see now that the Lord was protecting me from walking through the wrong doors. I wasn’t being delayed — I was being preserved. That job opening through family didn’t just meet my needs; it fit like a key into a lock I didn’t even know was waiting.

"And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left." Isaiah 30:21

It’s easy to get frustrated when things don’t go our way. But sometimes, God's “no” is just as much of a blessing as His “yes.” His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are far above our own.

He Has the Final Say

This journey has reminded me that I am not the final authority on my destiny — and neither are the job listings, rejection emails, or quiet waiting seasons. God is. And He can do more in one moment of divine alignment than I can do in a year of effort.

We often think we know what's best, or at least what makes the most sense. But if we are unwilling to change or accept what God allows, we may miss out on something He meant to use to bless us — or even refine us.

"O Lord, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps." Jeremiah 10:23

Bearing the Weight With Purpose

There’s a promise I cling to — one that has brought me comfort again and again:

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

When the waiting got heavy and the discouragement set in, I reminded myself that if God allowed this weight, then He also built me to carry it — or better yet, to carry me through it. And not just for my own growth, but so that I can be a light to someone else still sitting in the dark.

Be the Light

Even when it’s hard, even when it doesn’t make sense, we are called to walk in love — even toward people who don’t deserve it. Because, truthfully, none of us deserved the love God gave us. And yet He still gave it.

"But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

That kind of love changes people. It changed me. And when I find myself frustrated or impatient, I try to remember — someone out there is waiting to see God's love through me. I don’t want to miss that moment just because my emotions got in the way.

He Meant It for Good

Every trial has a purpose. Every delay has a reason. And every disappointment has the potential to birth something beautiful, if we let God use it. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I hadn’t heard that woman’s testimony, or if I had kept trying to force doors open instead of resting and trusting God. But I’m so thankful I didn’t miss what He had for me — because it was exactly what I needed.

"But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive." Genesis 50:20

Trusting His Timing, Loving Through the Waiting

You may not be looking for a job right now. Maybe you're dealing with something entirely different — a health struggle, a strained relationship, a decision you can’t seem to make, or just that quiet ache of waiting for something to change. But the truths I’ve come to realize in this season aren’t just about employment — they are God’s truths, and they apply no matter the situation.

There is always something to be learned when we’re walking through the in-between. It may not look like growth at the time. In fact, it may feel like you're stuck or unseen. But if you’re the one who is spiritually awake — if you’re seeking Him — you'll begin to see what He means. You’ll catch glimpses of His purpose behind the pain, His direction behind the delays, and His mercy behind the “no.”

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

No, He never promised that life would be easy. It's not all “unicorns and roses,” as I like to say. But He did promise to be with us — every step, every stumble, every tear.

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."  Isaiah 41:10

And while you’re waiting, while you're growing — love. Even when it’s hard. Even when it’s undeserved. Especially then. Because at one point, we were the hard ones to love — and still, God looked at us and called us worthy of mercy.

"Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins." 1 John 4:10

Don’t waste the season you’re in. Don’t run from the hard places or ignore the growth God is trying to bring about in you. Let it change you. Let it soften you. Let it deepen your faith. Because He’s still writing your story — and the next chapter might just be the one you’ve been praying for.

Endure the Season Before You

Whatever challenge lies before you right now — no matter how heavy, confusing, or exhausting it feels — you are not alone in it. This may be your stretching season, your refining season, or the season that finally shifts the story. Endure it with grace. Endure it with faith. The Lord hasn’t forgotten you, and He won’t waste your pain. Keep trusting, even when you don’t understand. Keep loving, even when it’s hard. Because your endurance is not in vain.

"But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." James 1:4

Some of you might be thinking I’m a little crazy for believing that God orchestrated the whole affair. But I beg to differ. God is all-knowing, all-powerful, and above all —  I don’t believe in accidents. Not when it comes to a God who numbers the hairs on our heads and bottles every tear we cry.

Even when life doesn’t make sense and the road ahead is rough, He is still working behind the scenes. What feels like delay or detour may be a divine setup for something far greater — not just for you, but for someone else whose life will be touched because you endured.

There’s a benefit, even in the suffering. And when you know that God is in control, you can keep going — not because it's easy, but because it's worth it.

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

What’s a time when God used your waiting or pain for something greater than you expected?

 Be encouraged. 🧡

Spring Longing: finding beauty in the in-between

A Season of Reflection

There’s something about springtime—the warm sun, blooming flowers, and the world seemingly coming back to life—that stirs reflection. It awakens both hope and longing. For me, spring has brought a fresh wave of contemplation. Not just about nature and renewal, but about where I stand in the midst of it all.

Lately, I’ve been thinking deeply about what I can do, what I want to do, and where those things don’t always align. That space in-between has been teaching me something powerful. And I want to share it—not because I have it all figured out, but because I believe there’s something here that might encourage you, too.

The Tension Between Desire and Ability

As the weather warms, more people head outdoors—hiking trails, planning adventures, living life fully in the fresh air. I love being outside. I want to go out there with them. But for me, the idea of hiking or exploring uneven terrain is more than a casual challenge—it’s a real obstacle.

Simple things like gravel, slopes, or unpredictable paths can be difficult. Even walking longer distances requires someone beside me, offering physical support and stability. Without someone by my side—literally holding onto my arm—it's risky, even if my heart is 100% in it. And as much as I want to say yes to every opportunity, sometimes I know that joining in would become a burden—not only for me but for those who care for me.

So I find myself torn: desiring connection, adventure, and participation, but also recognizing my limitations and the very real consequences of overextending myself. I find myself in this strange in-between space—grateful not to be in situations that overwhelm or endanger me, but still grieving a bit of the freedom others might take for granted.

Please don’t misunderstand—I don’t share this to make anyone feel guilty or obligated. I simply want to encourage awareness, gratitude, and compassion for the blessings we sometimes take for granted.

Choosing Gratitude in the “No”

There’s a strange sort of grace in learning to say no. Not out of defeat or self-pity, but from a place of wisdom and trust. I’ve come to understand that missing out on certain things doesn’t mean missing out on everything.

Sometimes, no is a gift.

Because saying no to something that isn’t right for me opens up the chance to say yes to something else—something that is life-giving, healing, and within reach.

I’ve realized that just because I can’t scale a mountain trail doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the sunshine on my front steps, or the quiet rustle of trees on a walk around the yard. My journey has made me more aware—more intentional about the small, sacred moments that others might rush past.

Don’t Squander What You Have

If I could share one piece of encouragement from this place of reflection, it would be this: don’t squander the opportunities you have.

Maybe you can take long walks without a second thought. Maybe you can hop in the car, run errands, clean your home, or climb a hill. I know those things might not feel like opportunities—but they are.

They're gifts.

Life isn’t always about the big mountaintop moments. It’s about the everyday—brushing your teeth without help, walking through the grocery store, getting the mail, cooking dinner. These are not small things. They are everyday miracles.

A Kingdom Perspective: The Power of Stewardship

Scripture reminds us to be faithful stewards of what we’ve been given—not just in finances or talents, but in life itself.

"And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;" Colossians 3:23

That means our walking, our breathing, our showing up every day—it all matters. It’s not wasted when it’s done in love and offered to God. Whether we’re able to run marathons or simply lift our hands in praise from a chair, our effort and our faithfulness count in the Kingdom.

"His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord." Matthew 25:23

This verse always reminds me that it’s not about the quantity of what we can do, but the quality of how we do it—with faithfulness, gratitude, and trust.

The Grace to Grow Where You Are

I’ve also learned that growth doesn’t always look like it does on social media or in the lives of others. Sometimes growth is painfully slow. Sometimes it’s invisible to others. But God sees every step we take—literally and spiritually.

"He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength." Isaiah 40:29

I’m learning to celebrate progress, even if it’s just walking across the yard by myself on a good day. I’m learning to see grace in what once felt like limitation. And I’m realizing that even when I can't go far physically, I can go deep spiritually. That’s a kind of journey, too.

Encouragement for the Able: Walk With Awareness

If you’re reading this and you’re able to move freely, let me encourage you to walk with awareness. Be mindful of the blessings in your body, your routine, and your freedom. Not from guilt, but from a heart full of gratitude.

Walk for those who can’t.
Run with joy.
Sit outside and soak in the sunshine for someone who may not be able to.

And if you have the chance, help someone else enjoy those things, too. Be the hand they can hold, the steady support, the encouraging voice.

The Power of Testimony: Beautifully Broken

Recently, I was invited to share my story and testimony with a group of women. I felt honored to be asked. Anytime I get to speak, I like to share pictures from my journey—photos that show the reality of what I’ve endured, but also the grace that carried me through. I talk about the injuries I sustained, the physical, emotional, and financial hurdles I faced, and how God helped me overcome each one, one step at a time.

Each time I share, the beginning is familiar—an honest reflection of the pain and the process—but the ending? That part changes. I try to tailor the conclusion to the hearts of the people I’m speaking with.

This time, they gave me the theme “Beautifully Broken.” And I could not have imagined a more perfect phrase.

It’s taken me a long time to see beauty in my life again. For so long, all I could see was what was lost, what was broken, what hurt. But I’ve come to realize that God doesn’t just rebuild us—He restores us. And not just back to what we were, but to something stronger, deeper, more beautiful.

Like the song says, it’s through the breaking that we can be made new. That’s how the Master Potter works—He reshapes us with purpose and care. And when God puts us back together, He doesn’t just fix us—He makes us beautifully whole.

"But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold." Job 23:10

Closing Thoughts: Let Spring Stir Gratitude

So yes, spring is stirring something in me. It’s stirring longing, but also a deeper sense of gratitude—for what I can do, for what I’ve overcome, and for what I’m still learning. It’s reminding me that every season has purpose, even if the path is harder than I expected.

If you’re in a season of tension, of in-between, of wrestling with what you can’t do—know you’re not alone. You’re seen, you’re loved, and you have a purpose right where you are.

And if you're in a season of ease, take a moment to thank God for the simple things. Don’t miss the beauty of the everyday. Walk humbly, love deeply, and enjoy the path beneath your feet—even the gravel.

As spring breathes new life into the world around me, I’m learning that beauty isn’t just at the mountaintop — it’s right here, growing quietly in the in-between spaces.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for the journey—every step, every scar, every moment I thought I wouldn’t make it. Thank You for the strength You gave me when I had none left. Thank You for reminding me that brokenness is not the end but the beginning of something beautiful when it’s placed in Your hands. Help me to continue walking in grace, not with shame, but with confidence in the story You are writing through my life. And for every person reading these words, I ask You to open their eyes to the gifts right in front of them—big or small. Let them see that ordinary days are full of extraordinary blessings. In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Let’s remind each other that the little things aren’t little at all. What’s one simple joy you’re thanking God for this week?

Be encouraged. 🧡

One More Thing to Deal With — one more reason to trust God

As I sit down to write this, I’m feeling a little frustrated. Not about anything major — at least not by the world’s standards — but rather something that’s become a consistent irritation in my daily life lately.

I’ve mentioned before that I use a circular patch behind my ear every 72 hours. (previous post My Daily Bread - what not swallowing means) It’s called a scopolamine patch, and while it’s commonly prescribed to prevent motion sickness, I use it for something different. For me, this patch helps regulate saliva production — something many people never have to think about, but something I have to manage every single day.

Because of my injuries and the complications that followed, my body doesn’t always do what it’s supposed to. One of those things is controlling how much saliva I produce. Without the patch, it can become overwhelming — uncomfortable, distracting, and even unsafe if it interferes with my breathing or triggers other issues. So, the patch has been a small but crucial part of helping me function more comfortably and confidently.

It had been working beautifully for a long time. I was using a specific brand through my pharmacy, and it stuck well for the full 72 hours like it was supposed to. It had a thick, oil-based adhesive that stayed put no matter what. But recently, the pharmacy could no longer get that brand, and without much warning, I was switched to another version.

That’s when the trouble started.

This new brand doesn’t stay on. Sometimes it barely makes it 24 hours before peeling off. I’ve tried using adhesive spray to make it stick better, but honestly, I’m not sure it’s helping at all. I find myself constantly checking behind my ear, adjusting, replacing, and reapplying the patch. It’s become one more thing to manage — and on some days, it feels like too much.

I did look into switching back to the brand that worked, but it would mean paying out of pocket, and unfortunately, that’s just not realistic. As frustrating as it is, it’s cheaper to go through more of the less-effective patches than to pay for the “good” ones. So I’m trying to make it work — even if “making it work” sometimes means dealing with uncertainty and discomfort.

And maybe that’s what’s really getting to me.

When you live with chronic medical needs, nothing ever feels truly easy. Something as simple as a sticker behind the ear — something most people would never notice — can become a central part of your day. And when that “simple” thing stops doing its job, everything else feels harder, too.

I know God is still faithful. I know He sees me. I know this is just one more thing I can hand over to Him. But still — it’s okay to say this is hard. It doesn’t make me weak. It just makes me honest.

December 2009

Mindset Matters More Than We Think

I’ll admit — I’ve been feeling kind of blah lately. Not mean, not rude, not bitter. Just off. My energy has felt flat, and I haven’t been as upbeat or motivated as I usually try to be. At first, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but now that I think about it, maybe it has something to do with this extra issue I’m currently dealing with — the patch situation I talked about earlier.

Isn’t it funny how small things can wear us down over time? It’s not always the big storms that knock us over. Sometimes it’s the constant drizzle, the little things that stack up when we’re already stretched thin. I know I shouldn’t let my physical challenges affect my emotional or spiritual outlook — but as humans, it happens. We are not just bodies; we are minds and hearts, too.

So today, I want to remind you and myself that it’s important to rise above the weight of these everyday struggles. It doesn’t mean ignoring what’s hard or pretending it doesn’t hurt. But it does mean choosing not to let those things have the final word over our attitude.

There’s an old saying: “Your attitude is 99% of the battle.” And honestly? I believe that’s true.

When I feel down or discouraged, I try to come back to what I know, not just what I feel. Feelings are real, but they’re not always true. They shift, change, and respond to circumstances. Truth is steady. Truth is where we anchor.

Here are a few verses that help me shift my mindset when I feel like I’m slipping:

“This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24)

That doesn’t mean every day is easy. But it is a gift. Even the days that feel frustrating, repetitive, or heavy — He made this one, too. And we are invited to rejoice in it.

“Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.” (Colossians 3:2)

This reminds me that my focus matters. If I’m constantly looking at my problems, of course they’ll seem bigger than life. But if I lift my eyes to Him — to eternity — it helps me see everything with clearer, calmer perspective.

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” (Isaiah 26:3)

Peace doesn’t come from everything going right. It comes from keeping my mind stayed — focused — on God. He is my steady place. My peace.

Encouraging Yourself in the Lord

There’s a quiet strength in those words: “David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.”  (1 Samuel 30:6) He didn’t wait for someone else to come speak life over him. He didn’t wait until things were going well. He didn’t have to be in a good place emotionally first. He simply chose to go to the Source — his God — and find encouragement right there, in the middle of the mess.

That’s where I’m at today. And maybe you are, too.

I don’t feel full of energy or inspiration. I don’t have all the answers. I’m not walking in victory today — not outwardly. But what I can do is what David did — encourage myself in the Lord.

That might look like:

• Reminding myself of what He’s already brought me through.
• Repeating His promises out loud, even if I don’t feel them yet.
• Singing or humming a hymn that lifts my spirit.
• Reading Scripture that renews my mind.
• Simply sitting in His presence and saying, “Lord, I need You.”

One of my go-to verses in moments like this is:

“Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.” (Psalm 42:5)

That “yet” is everything. It says, “This might be hard right now — but it’s not the end.” I shall yet praise Him. My circumstances don’t get the last word. God does.

A Small But Mighty Victory

Sometimes the victory is just getting through the day without giving up. Sometimes it’s taking care of your body even when you’re tired. Sometimes it’s writing a blog post when your heart isn’t “feeling it,” but you press on because you know someone might need the words.

Sometimes our greatest spiritual battles aren’t dramatic — they’re subtle. They happen in the quiet frustrations. The daily disappointments. The routines that feel heavy. That’s when we need to press in. To pray. To speak truth over ourselves. To sing when we don’t feel like singing.

I’m reminding myself — and hopefully reminding you — that we don’t have to feel strong to be strong. We just have to lean on the One who is.

Today, I count writing this post as a victory. I didn’t feel like it. I was tired. I was frustrated. But I wrote anyway. I shared anyway. And through this process, I ended up encouraging myself in the Lord.

I cried reading my own words. Not out of sadness, but because they came from such a deep and honest place in my heart. They were what I needed to hear — and say.

Maybe someone else needs to hear them too. Maybe that someone is you.

Final Encouragement

If you’re dealing with something small that feels big, or something big that feels impossible, remember this: you’re not alone. God sees. He knows. And He’s not distant. In fact, He’s right beside you, ready to be your strength.

Take a moment today to encourage yourself in Him. Speak His promises out loud. Pray. Sing. Praise. Even if your voice shakes.

Because He’s worth it — and so are you.

"The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit." (Psalm 34:18)

Keep going. Keep trusting. And keep looking up.

Be encouraged. 🧡

                                                   🎵 Listen to this Truth Crazy About You

Learning the Hard Way

The First Lockout – A Wake-Up Call

Recently, I had an early morning gym session and accidentally locked my single set of car keys inside my vehicle. The moment I walked into the gym, I realized my mistake. Every time I go to the gym, I scan a barcode on my keyring to check in. As I reached for my keys to scan, my heart dropped—I didn’t have them. My mind immediately flashed back to where I had left them: sitting right on the driver's seat. I had taken them out of the ignition and placed them there, as I always do, so they would be in my hand when I scanned them. But this time, I had stepped out and shut the door before grabbing them.

My initial thought was, You have got to be kidding me. I couldn’t believe it. I felt a mix of frustration and disbelief. How had I been so absentminded? But with nothing left to do, I pulled out my phone and contacted roadside assistance.

Thankfully, I had my roadside assistance app, so I requested a locksmith and waited for the tow truck driver to arrive. It took about an hour, but he was friendly and efficient, unlocking my car within minutes. Despite this mishap, I was hesitant to purchase a programmed key due to the high cost. So, I decided not to.

The Second Lockout – Learning the Hard Way

Fast forward six days. It was an evening like any other, and I was attending a church function, surrounded by familiar faces and warm conversations. Everything was going smoothly—until it was time to leave.

Getting things together, ready to head home, that’s when a sudden, sinking realization hit me. My keys were locked inside my car. Again.

I could almost hear my own frustrated sigh echoing in my head. Seriously? How could I have done this again—in less than a week? Just days ago, I had promised myself I’d be more careful. Yet, here I was, outside of my locked car, feeling a mix of disbelief and self-annoyance.

My church family was incredibly kind and understanding. They reassured me, saying things like, “Oh, don’t worry! This has happened to all of us at some point,” and “It’s no big deal—you’ll get it sorted out.” Their words were meant to encourage me, but I couldn’t help but feel frustrated with myself.

To them, it was just a minor inconvenience—something easily fixed. But to me? It was a glaring reminder that I had ignored an obvious solution. I had been too stubborn (or maybe just too hesitant) to get a spare key after the first incident, and now I was paying for it.

Once again, I pulled out my roadside assistance app, requested a locksmith, and settled in to wait. And as I stayed there, watching some folks drive off while I was stuck waiting for a tow truck, I kept thinking about how avoidable this situation had been.

By the time the locksmith arrived and popped the lock open, I was more than ready to be done with this lesson in patience. As I finally got behind the wheel and drove home, I made a firm decision: I am getting a spare key. No more excuses.

And this time, I actually followed through.

not my actual spare

Why I Hesitated to Get a Spare Key

Looking back, I’m not entirely sure why I was so hesitant to get a spare key made. I suppose, at the core of it, my hesitation came down to a few things—one of them being the financial aspect.

When I first looked into getting a spare, I had been quoted a ridiculous price for a programmed key. Spending that much money on something I might never actually need felt like a waste. That’s usually how things go—once you finally get the backup, you never end up using it. So, I convinced myself it wasn’t worth the cost.

But if I’m honest, maybe it wasn’t just about the money. Maybe I was also just brushing it off, thinking, Oh, this won’t happen again. Or maybe, deep down, I didn’t want to admit that I should have taken action sooner.

Whatever the reason, I had let my justifications keep me from making a simple, practical decision. And in doing so, I had unknowingly set myself up for another frustrating situation.

A Lesson from Naaman: Obedience in the Small Things

In the Bible, there’s a powerful account of Naaman, a wealthy and well-respected man who suffered from leprosy. Desperate for healing, he sought out the prophet Elisha and received a simple but unexpected instruction:

"Go and wash in Jordan seven times, and thy flesh shall come again to thee, and thou shalt be clean." (2 Kings 5:10)

The Jordan River was known to be filthy, and Naaman, in his pride, resisted at first. He had expected a grander, more dignified method of healing. But his servant wisely pointed out:

"My father, if the prophet had bid thee do some great thing, wouldest thou not have done it? how much rather then, when he saith to thee, Wash, and be clean?" (2 Kings 5:13)

Convicted, Naaman humbled himself, followed God’s instruction, and received complete healing:

"Then went he down, and dipped himself seven times in Jordan, according to the saying of the man of God: and his flesh came again like unto the flesh of a little child, and he was clean." (2 Kings 5:14)

Applying Naaman’s Story to Everyday Life

That story made me think about how sometimes the solutions to our problems are much simpler than we make them out to be. Just the other day, I found myself in a frustrating situation that could easily be remedied—I just needed to get a spare key. It wasn’t complicated, it wasn’t too expensive, yet for some reason, I hesitated.

The Importance of Simple Obedience

And then it hit me: why do I resist the simple solutions God puts in front of me? Like Naaman, I sometimes expect a more complex or grand solution to a problem, when really, obedience in the small things is all that’s needed.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

God often works through simple, everyday steps, and when we choose to follow His guidance, even when it doesn’t make sense to us, we find the resolution we’ve been seeking.

So I got the spare key. Problem solved. (A simple, cheaper door only key).

"Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams." (1 Samuel 15:22)

Resisting Simple Solutions

This whole situation got me thinking—how often do we, as people, resist the simplest solutions? How many times do we convince ourselves that we don’t need help, that we can handle things on our own, or that our way is better?

I realized that my hesitation over getting a spare key wasn’t just about the money. It was about my mindset. I thought I could avoid the inconvenience, that I wouldn’t need a backup, and that I could work around the problem if it ever came up again. But all I really did was make things harder for myself.

It’s the same in so many areas of life. We overcomplicate things, searching for bigger, more elaborate answers when, in reality, the simplest solution is right in front of us. We try to fix situations in our own way, delaying what could have been resolved much sooner—just like Naaman in the Bible. He wanted a grand healing, but all he had to do was obey a simple command.

How often do we do the same thing? How often do we resist the easy answer just because it doesn’t seem big enough or important enough? But God often works through small, straightforward steps. And when we choose to obey—even in the little things—we find the peace and provision we’ve been searching for all along.

So, whether it’s a spare key or a step of faith, let’s not resist the simple solutions God provides. Sometimes, the easiest answer is also the right one.

Have you ever learned a lesson the hard way? Let me know in the comments!

 Be encouraged. 🧡

                                            🎵Listen to these encouraging lyrics Fires