My Daily Bread - what not swallowing means

My Feeding Tube Journey and Faith

Today, I want to share some details about my feeding tube and how I've been eating for the last 15 years. I'll begin with the story of its placement after my motorcycle accident in 2009.

2009, My First Outing to a Bookstore

The Initial Feeding Tube Placement

After my accident on Friday, July 24, 2009, I was unable to swallow or eat, and I needed another way to receive sustenance. The first attempt to place the feeding tube was successful. However, doctors had remarked that people’s bodies generally didn’t accept it on the first try. Prayers were answered—not in the way many had hoped, as I still couldn’t eat by mouth, but I was able to receive nutrition through the tube.

Understanding My Condition: The Upper Esophageal Sphincter

The reason I cannot swallow is due to my upper esophageal sphincter (UES). To explain, your esophagus has muscles at both ends—one at the top near the throat and one at the bottom near the stomach. My UES is clamped shut and doesn’t open, whereas normally, it would relax and open based on the size of food in the mouth.

Feeding Tube and Adaptation Journey

My feeding tube is a MicKey, described as a 3 cm 20 French, and it consists of a small button that goes directly into my belly, held in place by a balloon filled with distilled water. I have it changed at least annually or as needed.

When it's time to eat, I hook an extension tube to the button, locking it in place, and then attach a syringe to the extension tube to pour my liquid food in. A lot of times, the liquid will gravity feed into my stomach, but if the food is thick and the process becomes slow and time-consuming, I can speed it up by using the syringe to push the liquid in quicker.

Over time, I have had to adapt my liquid diet based on what my body could tolerate. In the beginning, I had to eat 4 or 5 meals a day, as my stomach couldn’t handle all of the liquid in one sitting. I started out with synthetic, man-made formulas that provided all the necessary nutrients my body needed. However, as my stomach adapted, I gradually reduced my meals from 5 to 4, and now to 3 meals a day. I've transitioned to a real food blend, which is not synthetic, but actual food that’s blended up.

Daily Food Options

I have six different flavors to choose from, varying in calorie intake from 320 to 340 calories per nine ounce pouch:

1. eggs, apples, oats, and zucchini

2. chicken, carrots, rice, and oranges

3. turkey, sweet potatoes, green beans, and peaches

4. quinoa, hemp, kale, and grapes

5. salmon, oats, squash, and pomegranate 

6. beef, potatoes, spinach, and pineapple

Each meal needs to be thinned with 8 ounces of water. I also supplement with protein powder and high-protein drinks like Ensure to meet my dietary needs, aiming for 2,500 calories a day. Initially, I lost 20 pounds after the accident, but I’ve since regained them, though the last 10 pounds took years to put back on.

Managing Saliva Production and Swallowing Challenges

Due to my inability to swallow, I carry a styrofoam cup (preferably 10-12 oz. in size) with me at all times to discreetly spit out saliva since it pools in my mouth. I buy the cups in bulk, about 1000 at a time, and I try to use around 10 per day, although I aim to keep that number as low as possible. A ready-to-use cup includes a half sheet of paper towel inserted into the cup to help absorb the contents.

My only prescription, the scopalamine patch, helps manage my saliva production. Though it’s typically prescribed for motion sickness, it helps reduce my saliva. I wear the patch behind my ear for three days at a time, alternating between the left and right side of my body.

On Day 1, the patch almost completely dries up my saliva, but by Day 3, I can tell it’s time to change it. Interestingly, weather affects my saliva production as well—on rainy or drizzly days, I tend to have more saliva.

When I can’t get the patch, saliva production increases significantly, and there have been moments where it’s brought me to tears. Yet, through it all, God has provided.

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want." (Psalm 23:1)

Understanding the Medical Aspect of My Condition

Doctors have expressed concern about the risk of aspiration, which means that taking things by mouth could lead to food entering my trachea and lungs. Normally, people feel a sensation when this happens and cough to prevent it, but I don’t have any sensation in that area, so I wouldn’t know if something entered my lungs. Though I can taste food, I have to ensure that I cough and spit it out to prevent this risk.

Over the years, I’ve undergone multiple Swallow Studies, where various foods like applesauce and yogurt and ice chips are covered with barium and observed via x-ray. This allows doctors to track the movement of food through my body. The films have shown that a small trickle of liquid does go down my esophagus, but it’s not enough to sustain me.

I have also undergone procedures where an ear, nose, and throat physician injected Botox into my upper esophageal sphincter (UES) muscle to relax it, followed by stretching it with various-sized gauges. In the last procedure, the largest gauge, which is the size of a garden hose, was used. Unfortunately, these procedures didn’t produce lasting results. However, through it all, I have never had pneumonia, which surprises many doctors I’ve spoken with.

Faith and Perseverance

Some doctors and therapists have mentioned that my lack of swallowing may be nerve-related, and nerves can regenerate, albeit very slowly. Despite the challenges and lack of a clear medical reason for my condition, I know that God has not forgotten me. It might seem like He has, but I am certain He knows exactly who I am, where I am, and what I am going through. I trust that He is not a halfway God—He is a God of restoration.

The Bible reminds us, "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God." (Matthew 4:4). He has sustained me all these years, and I know He will not fail me now. I rest in His promises, knowing that in His timing, all things will be as they should.

Made for a Co-worker's Baby Shower, 2009

A Passion for Cooking and Baking

As strange as it might seem, I have always loved baking and cooking. So much so that my first outing after being admitted to the hospital in Georgia was to a bookstore, where I bought—what else—a cookbook!

Baking and cooking even became part of my therapy. The process of creating something from scratch and sharing it with others has always brought me joy. In fact, my co-workers even put together a dessert cookbook to help raise funds for my medical expenses.

A few years later, I went a step further and wrote and published my own cookbook. Unlike the fundraiser cookbook, this one is filled with all types of recipes, not just desserts. Every recipe in the book has been tested and made by me, and the photos are of food that I cooked and photographed myself. It was such a rewarding experience, and I still have copies available for anyone who might be interested.

"And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men." (Colossians 3:23)

Creations Made at Therapy, 2013 

F.J.'s Salad: A Local Inspiration

One recipe that stands out to me is something I named F.J.'s Salad. It was inspired by a dish I enjoyed at a small, local restaurant. The combination of ingredients was so perfectly balanced and delicious that every time I thought about the dish, my mouth would physically water. It’s a super yummy salad on its own or paired with a meat of your choice, and it just had to find a place in my cookbook. Sometimes, it's those simple but perfectly crafted dishes that leave a lasting impression.

"O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him." (Psalm 34:8)

Apple Crumb Pie: A Recipe for Success

Another recipe that I’m particularly proud of is my Apple Crumb Pie. I baked this pie over and over again, tweaking the ingredients each time until I had perfected the final concoction. This recipe became especially significant when I decided to enter it into my very first cooking contest. To my surprise and delight, I won third place! It was such a validating experience, and it reaffirmed my love for baking and the joy it brings.

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"Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established." (Proverbs 16:3)

I'm an author!

Is It Painful?

A question that might be in your mind is, "Is it painful?"

The answer is no. Hooking up all the special equipment I need to receive nourishment doesn’t feel bad, nor does it cause any pain. In fact, it doesn’t really have much of a sensation at all—it’s just something that has to be done.

My Sensations Around Feeding

I can still feel when I’m hungry, and I can tell when I’m full, just like anyone else. I can also feel the temperature of what enters my stomach, which is why it’s important that the liquids I consume are not too hot. Ideally, they need to be at room temperature—not too hot and not too cold.

But even with all of this, there is no pain involved.

Eating as a Social Event

You might also wonder how I feel when I’m around others who are eating. Am I bothered by watching others eat or smelling food? The simple answer is no. I’ve gotten used to it over the years. For many people, eating is a social event, and I completely understand that.

However, some people feel bad for me when they see that I can’t eat the same way they do. They are sad or uncomfortable, thinking I might miss the experience of eating food by mouth. Many times, people will offer me food or drink, and I just politely decline.

By looking at me, you wouldn’t be able to tell that I can’t eat by mouth, so it’s only natural that people are surprised when they learn about my situation.

Dish Duty, 2013

A Surprising Communion Experience: An Unexpected Reaction and a Glimmer of Hope

As many believers do, I participate in the Lord's Supper, or Communion, by taking a small wafer representing the body of Christ and a small amount of grape juice representing His blood. After receiving Communion, I always take care to cough and clear out any leftover particles to avoid the risk of aspiration, as you've read swallowing is something I cannot do by mouth.

However, during one particular Communion, something unusual happened.

An Unexpected Change

On this day, the pastor decided to change the brand of grape juice from what had been used for many years. After I took part in the Communion, within minutes, I developed a severe allergic reaction. My palms turned red and itchy, my breathing became labored, and I began coughing more frequently. The reaction grew so intense that my lips swelled—honestly, I ended up looking like Bubba Gump from the movie Forrest Gump!

Recognizing what was happening, I immediately crushed some Benadryl tablets, liquefied them, and administered them through my feeding tube to counteract the reaction.

A Glimmer of Hope

This experience left me wondering: How could I have reacted so severely and so quickly unless some of the grape juice made its way into my stomach? As someone who cannot swallow, this reaction suggested to me that, perhaps, a small amount of the juice had indeed gone down—just enough to cause the allergic response.

In my heart, I feel that this incident is a sign of hope, a subtle reminder from God that, one day, the pathway to swallowing may open up again. As I reflected on the situation, I was reminded of this verse:

"For with God nothing shall be impossible." (Luke 1:37)

If God can part the Red Sea, heal the blind, and raise the dead, why couldn't He restore the function of my esophagus? He made it, after all. This unexpected reaction during Communion reminds me that healing can come in ways we least expect. Perhaps what is now a trickle may one day become a highway of healing.

Faith for the Future

While I don’t know when or how it might happen, I hold onto hope, grounded in the promises of God’s Word:

"Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert." (Isaiah 43:19)

If God can make a way in the wilderness, surely He can make a way for healing in my body. This moment, though frightening at the time, has become a source of encouragement and faith for me. I continue to trust in God’s timing and His perfect plan for my life.

Feel free to ask a question, if there’s something I didn’t answer.

Tell me, what's your passion?

Be encouraged. 🧡

God in the Small Stuff

The Reality of Emotion: It's Okay to Feel

Before I share some personal stories from my recovery journey, I want to acknowledge something important. Although I am a positive and optimistic person, I have my bad days too—days when I just want to cry, have a crazy emotional moment, and feel utterly alone.

And that’s okay.

It’s normal to have those kinds of emotions. We are human, and experiencing highs and lows is simply part of our nature. Life is a journey, and it’s important to give ourselves grace on the days when things don’t feel perfect.

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

This verse reminds us that there is a time for everything in life—joy, sadness, laughter, and even tears. It's a comforting truth that we don't have to be strong all the time. There is beauty in embracing every part of the emotional spectrum, knowing that God is with us through it all.

2010

Finding My Way Back: A Mother's Intuition and God's Guidance

I am reminded of another instance from early in my recovery when I first came home and still needed my mom's assistance with my tube feedings and medications. At that time, one of the medications I was on was Zoloft. I called it my “happy pill,” though I only learned all of this after the fact when my mom shared the details with me.

My mom had asked the doctor in Georgia when she should start taking me off the Zoloft. The doctor told her that she knew me and my personality best and that she would know when the time was right.

During one of our conversations, I said to her, "Well, regarding my husband's death, I really don't know how to feel." When she heard those words, she thought to herself, she doesn’t get emotional. She doesn’t laugh. She doesn’t cry—that’s not Felicia.

She took those words to mean that I needed to know how to feel again. That’s when she began slowly weaning me off the medication, recognizing that it was time.

Today, I am able to manage my tube feedings without any assistance, and the only prescription medication I take is my scopolamine patch, which controls my saliva production.

God never fails to give guidance, and the guidance He provides will never mislead you.

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way." (Psalm 37:23)

This experience is a reminder that God places the right people in our lives at the right time. My mom, in her love and wisdom, listened to her heart and followed God’s leading. In the same way, He is always faithful to guide us, whether through a loved one or a quiet moment of reflection. Trusting His timing is key, and His guidance will never fail us.

2011, shopping using the store's motorized wheelchair

Embracing the Journey: Strength in Small Steps

As you know, I had been in a wheelchair for approximately two years. It had a seatbelt because I had lost 20 pounds (I'm finally at my pre-wreck weight now, 2024), and my muscles were almost non-existent. The seatbelt helped stabilize me and keep me in place. I wondered when I should stop using the seatbelt, but I wasn’t sure when that time would come. To move around, I propelled the wheelchair with my legs, walking in a crab-like motion because my coordination in my hands wasn’t good at the time. Plus, my right arm had not moved for six months, and this method was safer for me physically.

In my daily routine, I would go to my closet, lock my wheelchair in place, and stand up to get something, then sit back down. I did this on and off for several days a week, and I believe it was preparing me for what was to come in the future. One day, while cleaning my bathroom, I stayed in my wheelchair with my seatbelt buckled. As I leaned over to clean the bathtub, my seatbelt broke, throwing me in the bathroom floor. 

I was stunned but took that as a sign that I no longer needed to be secured into my wheelchair. My muscles had grown strong enough to hold me in place on their own. That was a turning point for me. God was showing me that I was becoming stronger little by little.

Overcoming Obstacles Through Faith

A few months later, I was using my walker full-time. During therapy, my therapist and I went outside to practice going up and down a curb in the parking lot with my walker. This task was incredibly difficult for me. I could not do it because I wasn’t strong enough for the movements required to lift and lower my walker over the curb.

That week, life circumstances led me to stay with my grandparents. They lived in a split-level house where there was a step up to get into the kitchen and another to enter the bathroom from the living room. For an entire week, I had to maneuver these steps to get into the kitchen and bathroom.

The following week, when I returned home and resumed therapy, I was able to go up and down the curb so swiftly, like I had been doing it forever. It was as though God had given me the time to practice and prepare for the very skill I needed to master. Through that week’s experience, I became stronger and more confident.

Faith, Patience, and God's Timing

These moments in my recovery journey were hard, but they were filled with quiet miracles and signs of progress. Even in our most challenging times, God provides us with what we need to keep moving forward, preparing us for the next step in our journey.

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31)

This verse speaks to the patience and endurance required during difficult times. Sometimes the most challenging steps in life are the ones that strengthen us the most. Just as God guided me through my physical recovery, He will also guide us through whatever obstacles we face, giving us the strength we need in His perfect timing.

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Even when it feels like we’re stuck or struggling, God is using each moment for His purpose. We might not see the progress right away, but He is working behind the scenes, molding us and helping us become stronger in ways we may not even realize at the time.

Through God’s grace, I have learned that each challenge is an opportunity to grow, and every setback is part of the preparation for what’s ahead. Trust in His timing, and He will always guide the way.

Physical Therapy, approximately 2012

A Reminder of God's Plan 

Writing and reading the stories I’ve shared has been a powerful reminder to me of God's plan. He hasn't forgotten or forsaken me. Through every challenge, I know He is in control, and my doubts and concerns are so insignificant compared to His future plans.

No matter how uncertain things may seem, I trust that God’s purpose for my life is far greater than anything I could imagine.                                                                                                                             

Share your thought below: where, in your life, have you seen God's hand at work?

                                                                                                                                      Be encouraged. 🧡

Driven to Drive

Earning My Driving Privilege

In January 2023, I decided I wanted to earn my driving privilege again, but I wasn’t sure how to go about it. One afternoon, I mentioned the idea to my brother. We began brainstorming, and he suggested I purchase a side-by-side vehicle, perhaps a Polaris model. I took his advice and began searching for the right side-by-side to buy. "Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established." (Proverbs 16:3)

2024

Practice Makes Perfect

A side-by-side would allow me to practice the essential driving skills: braking, accelerating, steering, and more. After weeks of searching, I decided on a Polaris General. The dealership ordered it, and it arrived early in mid-February. I immediately started practicing on my rural, secondary road, which stretched for about two miles.

Meanwhile, I had to navigate the bureaucracy of getting my license back, as it had been medically cancelled. The process involved filling out various forms and faxing them to the state Division of Motor Vehicles office. It took a couple of months, but with perseverance, I completed the paperwork. During this time, I also studied for the Learner’s Permit test, knowing that I would need to pass a 25-question exam and a road sign test. "But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." (James 1:4)

By June, I had already clocked 105 miles on my General, preparing myself for the road ahead.

The Green Light

Finally, after speaking with my lawyer, the DMV gave me the green light to proceed. I wanted to obtain a Learner’s Permit first because I hadn’t driven in 14 years. This route seemed more manageable, as it only required passing two tests, while the driving exam would come later.

On a June Monday morning, Mom and I went to the DMV. The hours of studying paid off! I aced the test, missing none, and officially received my Permit. "The hand of the diligent shall bear rule." (Proverbs 12:24)

No Pressure

With a driving test appointment set for three weeks later, Mom and I had to get busy practicing. I started by driving in an almost-empty parking lot, then moved to an outlet shopping facility with more cars and “mini” roads. Soon after, I ventured onto the actual road.

I felt like a brand-new driver all over again, having to prove to myself—to others—that I could do it. This was the toughest obstacle I had faced, even worse than the first time, years ago. I was determined to conquer both the physical obstacles and the skepticism of those who doubted me. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13)

I started driving Mom’s large Buick Enclave SUV. However, emotions quickly ran high, and our stress levels were through the roof. After some difficult days, we realized we needed a better solution. One idea was to hire a driving instructor, but it was expensive, and I believed Mom was already giving me the same guidance.

After researching ways to reduce driving stress, I found that most experts recommended more driving practice. We decided that Mom would limit her comments, physical movements, or nervous noises since her anxiety only made me more nervous.

The Big Test

Finally, the day arrived for my driving exam. Anxiety filled the air. While on the road with the examiner, I made a few minor errors—touching the yellow line, among other things. When we returned to the DMV office, she asked how I felt about my performance. I started listing my mistakes, but she replied, "There's no question that you know how to drive." She gave me my license, and though I initially thought it was out of pity, I soon realized she wouldn’t have passed me if I was a danger to myself or others. "For the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7)

I was overjoyed and relieved beyond measure. My first solo drive was just a few miles to a local store and back in my newly purchased Pontiac Vibe. It was incredible! Driving gave me a newfound freedom I hadn't realized how much I had missed. After 14 years of relying on others for rides, I could now go wherever I needed. "Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." (2 Corinthians 3:17)

A Prayer Answered

At this time, God reminded me that I had prayed, “I’d rather drive than eat.” This was a prayer answered. I started this journey in January and had my license by July! “I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.” (Psalm 34:4)

First Challenges: Flat Tire

Not long after, I experienced my first challenge. On my way to church, I hit a pothole and got a flat tire. After the service, my cousin’s husband helped me change the tire, but as we worked, the car shifted, falling off the jack, pushing me down and tossing my only set of keys. After looking for an hour other relatives came as reinforcements. We searched for two hours on the side of the road  before finding them, and then I had to drive home in the dark for the first time, with a donut tire on one side, followed by three family cars. "When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee." (Isaiah 43:2)

Hit and Run

Just weeks later, I was involved in a hit-and-run. A vehicle struck my car while I was trying to make a left turn, leaving it incapacitated. I knew I needed to get back on the horse, so to speak. After this, I started looking for another vehicle, and within a week, I purchased a 2010 Subaru Forester.

Pulled Over – Really?

On my way back from getting the title and tag for the Forester, I got pulled over! I explained the situation to the officer, showed him my paperwork, and luckily, he let me go. Within two months, I had experienced the trifecta of car troubles: a flat tire, a hit-and-run, and getting pulled over. "My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations." (James 1:2)

Road Trip: A Solo Adventure

I thrive when I have a goal, so in January 2024, I decided to take a solo road trip at the end of March to visit family friends. The trip was three and a half hours, and I successfully navigated the interstate. I arrived safely, in the time I had planned, and felt a sense of accomplishment.

Through all these challenges and victories, God has been faithful. I continue to trust Him as I navigate my driving journey and all the new freedoms it brings.

2024

Where the Road Leads

I am not sure where the road ahead will lead to my next adventure, but I am confident that God has a plan specifically for me to accomplish. Even though I don’t know what the end result is at this time, I trust in His purpose. "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

 I'd love to read of a challenge you've faced.

Be encouraged. 🧡

A drop in the bucket. Counting my Blessings

From Student to Teacher

Dream or Reality

I had wanted to be a teacher since I could remember. After my wreck in 2009, I did not know if that was still a possibility, but my steps were being ordered by the Lord. "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way." (Psalm 37:23)

My Journey to College

I had started my journey in college prior to the accident. I had been working full-time and attending online classes through my local community college. I then transferred credit to a state university that offered an online degree completion program, so I could maintain my job and not have to travel to and from school. I had been enrolled and had just started that branch of my education journey when the wreck occurred. Of course, my family informed the college of the accident and let them know why I was absent from my online classes. I decided to return to my college coursework in the fall of 2010, trusting that God had a plan in place. "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Pursuing My Degree in Elementary Education

I knew that usually, the last two years of your college experience are the courses geared toward your major. My major was Elementary Education in K-6, with a reading concentration. So technically, I could teach reading to any student from kindergarten through 12th grade. I remember sitting on the couch working on my schoolwork from 8 a.m. to sometimes 11 p.m., trying to get everything done. I tend to be a perfectionist and have always been a very hard-working student. Those personality traits were now coupled with my physical limitations, but God continued to provide the strength I needed. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13)

Volunteering at My Local Elementary School

I found out that the next two semesters required some volunteering and a little bit of one-on-one student work. So, I began volunteering at my local elementary school, which happened to be the same one I attended as a child.

I established a relationship with a second-grade teacher and worked in her classroom with my one-on-one student once a week. She took me under her wing, teaching me from her years of expertise. I even got to work with some of the very teachers who taught me in elementary school.

By my final semester of college, I was able to coordinate with the second-grade teacher, whom I knew well by now, to do my student teaching and complete my observations for my final grades.

December 13, 2013

Graduation: A Dream Realized

I jokingly told my family that if I could only make it until December, I’d be fine. After much hard work and dedication, graduation time finally came. In December 2013, I had to go to the school campus for a final meeting. I made a decision while there: I was going to walk across the stage to receive my diploma. All of my fellow classmates and instructors were aware of my situation and asked me if I preferred to be first, last, or in the middle. I chose to go first, knowing that God had been with me through the whole journey. "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." (Hebrews 13:5)

 I walked across the stage, with the assistance of my walker, and received my diploma magna cum laude, or with high honor. That was a great achievement I will never forget. Even other students in my cohort congratulated me and remarked on such an achievement.

The Bible says, "without a vision, the people perish" (Proverbs 29:18). That is a true statement. I am glad I had this goal in mind. We are also told, "do not grow weary in well-doing, for we shall reap if we faint not" (Galatians 6:9). Those are confident words from God—a promise.

Creating Buckner School

After receiving my degree, I started transforming my mother’s basement into a classroom. I downloaded many free resources from the internet and laminated them. I had to ask for help laminating and cutting things out, as my motor skills weren’t up to capability yet. I got various family members to help paint, etc. I settled on the name, “Buckner School,” with the tagline “Expect success.” I had learned that students will rise to your expectation. More importantly, I knew that God would guide my steps in this new chapter. "Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established." (Proverbs 16:3)

As a teacher, I taught everything: grammar, writing, reading, math, spelling, social studies, science—you name it, I taught it. My years of volunteering in my local elementary school proved very valuable when I started operating my own school. I had gained so much experience and knowledge from being in the classroom with multiple students on a daily basis.

Ready or not!

In August 2014, my school opened with my three nieces as my first pupils. Over the years, I added furniture, equipment, and books to the school, through purchases and donations. More students came through other relatives and community members. I eventually had nine learners, aged 4 to 17!

Learning from Experience

They say experience is the best teacher, and I have found this to be true. I was not only the teacher but the administrator too. I established the academic calendar, chose the curriculum, taught the material, and dealt with any discipline issues. Over time, I figured out ways to improve structure and organization for our school, the kids, and their parents. After a few years, it was a well-oiled machine. Through it all, I prayed for wisdom to be both a mentor and a guide to my students. "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally." (James 1:5)

It was my baby to conduct how I wanted. We started our day by taking prayer requests and praying. It’s my hope the children realize you can talk to God anytime about anything.

I see this opportunity to have my own private homeschool as God-ordered. Being on disability, I could supplement that income, but not exceed a certain cap established by the Social Security Administration. He knew the financial need, and He knew my exact circumstances. Since I couldn’t drive, this was the perfect way to meet those needs. He allowed me the honor and privilege to obtain a dream, but it was abundantly above what I could have imagined.

Life as Therapy

May 2024

I had had outpatient therapy for years prior to teaching. After graduating college, I started teaching and didn’t have therapy because I had reached a plateau, so to speak, in making noticeable gains in my recovery. My therapists assured me this was normal and expected, and most people would have stopped advancing quickly a long time ago. However, I knew that God was still working in me, shaping me to fulfill His purpose. "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." (Philippians 1:6)

Therapists told me I knew all of the current therapy “exercises,” and the best therapy is living life. That’s exactly what I did. This job gave me the opportunity to practice everyday skills like walking, talking, and using scissors to cut, to name a few. 

Improvements in Speech

My speech greatly improved during this time, from 2014 until now. I presume from all the talking. Certain letters (like “r”) and specific words still prove difficult for me to clearly speak. I used to love to sing. Not so much now, as (1) my air/lung capacity is not as it was previously, (2) my voice sounds different speaking and singing (if you want to call that noise singing, lol). Good thing the Bible says to make a joyful noise! I’m thankful I have a voice and can talk at all.

"In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Closing Buckner School

As of May 2024, my Buckner School is closed because “there is a time to every season” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). After teaching for ten years, I felt God wanted me to come out of the basement and pursue another avenue. I don’t have complete clarity on what that is yet, but I’m waiting on the Lord and His prompting for direction. Waiting on the Lord is hard to do, but necessary.

Final Thoughts

Find the good, there’s ALWAYS a silver lining. Can’t never could. I remind myself daily of Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

Please share an accomplishment that stands out to you.

Be encouraged. 🧡

                                                                                                

    
Give this song a listen. The lyrics touch your soul. Goodness of God

Tragedy Strikes - life happens

I would love to share some personal details about my life with you, because I believe everything happens for a reason, and the Bible tells us we are overcomers by the word of our testimony (Rev. 12:11). 

My life forever changed on July 24, 2009, when my husband, who was my high school sweetheart, and I were in a horrific motorcycle accident.  My husband passed away at the scene from the injuries he sustained; he was barely 26 years old. We had been together since I was 17, so he was basically the only life I knew.

Doctors told my mother she best get to the hospital fast because I wasn’t expected to live 72 hours, and if so, I would not move from my nose down. 

My initial injuries included:

·       Lacerated liver

·        collapsed lung

·        right arm not moving (brachial plexus)

·        double vision (imagine crazy eyes on the movie Mr. Deeds, that was me!)

·        tracheotomy

·        feeding tube (only liquid, nothing by mouth; cannot swallow)

·        broken back (at T7 vertebra)

·        frayed brain stem (Traumatic Brain Injury)

·        loss of balance, coordination, reflexes, (fine) motor skills

·        Needless to say my mobility was greatly impacted and I was in a wheelchair

Hospital in North Carolina

Those injuries put me in my local hospital’s Neurotrauma ICU for approximately three weeks. I was heavily medicated and have some memories of this time, but they are fuzzy. Because of these circumstances, I didn’t even know my husband had passed away. No one told me, they were under doctors’ orders to withhold that information. Family was not even allowed to visit me in their funeral clothes. Since I wasn’t communicating, they didn’t know what I knew or remembered. I wasn’t aware, or able, to attend any part of those services. 

Visitors were only allowed four specific times per day while I was in the ICU. The doctors weren’t going to repair my broken back until a physical therapist reported non-reflexive movement! Movement below the nose, God, the Great Physician, has the final word, not earthly doctors.  That surgery to repair my back took six hours, and resulted in a nine inch scar, titanium rods and multiple screws.

During these weeks in August, nurses urged my mom to contact Shepherd Center Specialty Hospital in Atlanta, Georgia. Once we were notified of availability, I was moved to Atlanta via ambulance.

Hospital in Georgia

There, I was pulled off of several medications, and my recovery truly began. Speaking of medications, I had been on three blood pressure meds, that still didn't regulate my blood pressure. One evening, I passed out in bed as my BP sky rocketed to 180 something over 200. By a few months later, I was on no BP medication, and my blood pressure is perfect. Another divine blessing, I am on zero meds for pain, and haven't been since August 2009. I take NO prescription pain medication!

As I realized what my circumstances were, (although I still didn’t know of my husband’s death yet) I thought my life was over. I was on a ventilator, couldn’t talk, couldn’t swallow, my nose constantly ran, I couldn’t control my saliva, was in a wheelchair, was cathetered, the list goes on …  the list was overwhelming to say the least. I even prayed to die. But God let me know that I wasn’t going to die. That’s when I decided to get busy living.  

I endured and put forth all the effort I could in the therapy that hospital provided. I had physical, occupational, speech, and recreational therapy, Monday through Friday, 8 am – 4 pm. I was exhausted most days. 

It was at Shepherd Center on a Friday afternoon, that my team of doctors and therapists came to my hospital room for a group meeting and update, and in doing so, told me about the complete wreck, including that my spouse had passed away. I had the weekend to silently process the news, as I was unable to speak due to my injuries and trach. 

Prayer is powerful - don't stop!

During this time, I got off the ventilator and learned to breath on my own! My nose quit constantly running, and I had more control over my saliva, although swallowing was still not achieved. I didn’t require a catheter any longer. Those miracles were due to intercessory prayer. I won’t believe differently. Prayer works! Prayer changes things.

By October, I had “graduated” to leave the hospital physically and move to an adjacent building to attend Shepherd Pathways Outpatient, where I continued all of the therapies daily.

Home to NC

I got to go home to North Carolina in February, 2010. Essentially, I've had to relearn everything, breathing, writing, talking, etc. Once there, I continued outpatient physical, occupational, and speech therapies three days a week, three hours a day. One day while attending therapy, my occupational therapist working with my arms, said I felt a “flicker” in your right bicep.  I smiled but didn’t concur, as I felt nothing. From that moment on my right arm began the slow recovery! I had two arms that moved. You don’t realize what you have until it’s gone-what a true statement.

That was just the physical piece of the puzzle. Now to share the financial situation. As I’m writing this, I am in awe at how God lined up every detail to be for my good.

God in the Financial Details

My husband purchased life insurance three months prior to our wreck through his work. He had it to double in case of accidental death, with the payment directly taken from his weekly check. What 26 year old randomly gets life insurance? 

I wasn’t fully vested in my job, meaning I had been in my position less than five years, and therefore I wasn’t eligible to receive retirement/disability benefits. My co-workers were moved with compassion, and donated 14 months of vacation days (280 days) causing me to be fully vested and able to receive retirement/disability. 

Further, I had applied for a position with a different company, as it would be a financial benefit for us. My current boss matched the offer to have me stay. I did not know why until I spoke with my outpatient therapy case manager a few years later (I attended weekly therapy as previously mentioned, 3-4 years). She informed me most patients had a $10,000 deductible, mine was $600! Hindsight really is 20/20.

Progress

Oh, in 2011, I went from using a wheelchair to a walker!

Fast forward to 2012. I was having painful, fluid pockets pop-up on my back. I went for an MRI, a CT Scan, and an ultra sound. I had a pocket surgically dealt with. One came back. It burst; doctors found it was growing bacteria. Long story short, the metal hardware was causing the issue. My body was rejecting it. The scan results showed my bones healed nicely, so doctors wanted to remove the rods and screws. 

I knew this was orchestrated by God because I have never had such prompt service at an intake area in my life. The Operating Room called downstairs, while I was filling out forms with the office, asking where Ms. Buckner was, they were ready and waiting. The same doctors that put the rods and screws in, took them out. My body contains no metal hardware!

My current physical status, after 15 years, includes:

·        double vision corrected through glasses lenses

·        still have/use feeding tube for all food, drink & medicine (it's discreet, a MicKey)-meaning nothing taken via mouth (can’t swallow yet; have to spit saliva in a cup)

·        use a walker in public, crowded and/or large spaces, I can walk independently at home and when comfortable

·        reflexes, coordination, motor skills improving

·        got driver's license back in July 2023!!!!

November 2010

My relationship with God has gotten so much deeper through this journey. God used numerous scriptures to encourage me. Satan, the enemy of our souls, is ever working. Scripture is how Jesus fought him, and so we should follow that example. Our weapon is sharp. The Bible truly does have an answer for every question. 

Obtaining my driver’s license after 14 years, is the hardest thing I’ve done in my life, to date. That's another story!

Is there a similarity you think of when reading this post? Share your thoughts.

Be encouraged 🧡