The Reality of Emotion: It's Okay to Feel
Before I
share some personal stories from my recovery journey, I want to acknowledge
something important. Although I am a positive and optimistic person, I have my
bad days too—days when I just want to cry, have a crazy emotional moment, and
feel utterly alone.
And that’s
okay.
It’s normal to have those kinds of emotions. We are human, and experiencing highs and lows is simply part of our nature. Life is a journey, and it’s important to give ourselves grace on the days when things don’t feel perfect.
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3:1) |
| 2010 |
I am reminded
of another instance from early in my recovery when I first came home and still
needed my mom's assistance with my tube feedings and medications. At that time,
one of the medications I was on was Zoloft. I called it my “happy pill,” though
I only learned all of this after the fact when my mom shared the details with
me.
My mom had
asked the doctor in Georgia when she should start taking me off the Zoloft. The
doctor told her that she knew me and my personality best and that she would
know when the time was right.
During one of
our conversations, I said to her, "Well, regarding my husband's death,
I really don't know how to feel." When she heard those words, she
thought to herself, she doesn’t get emotional. She doesn’t laugh. She
doesn’t cry—that’s not Felicia.
She took
those words to mean that I needed to know how to feel again. That’s when she
began slowly weaning me off the medication, recognizing that it was time.
Today, I am
able to manage my tube feedings without any assistance, and the only
prescription medication I take is my scopolamine patch, which controls my
saliva production.
God never
fails to give guidance, and the guidance He provides will never mislead you.
"The
steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his
way." (Psalm
37:23)
This
experience is a reminder that God places the right people in our lives at the
right time. My mom, in her love and wisdom, listened to her heart and followed
God’s leading. In the same way, He is always faithful to guide us, whether
through a loved one or a quiet moment of reflection. Trusting His timing is
key, and His guidance will never fail us.
 |
| 2011, shopping using the store's motorized wheelchair |
Embracing the Journey: Strength in Small Steps
As you know,
I had been in a wheelchair for approximately two years. It had a seatbelt
because I had lost 20 pounds (I'm finally at my pre-wreck weight now, 2024), and my muscles were almost non-existent. The
seatbelt helped stabilize me and keep me in place. I wondered when I should
stop using the seatbelt, but I wasn’t sure when that time would come. To move
around, I propelled the wheelchair with my legs, walking in a crab-like motion
because my coordination in my hands wasn’t good at the time. Plus, my right arm
had not moved for six months, and this method was safer for me physically.
In my daily routine, I would go to my closet, lock my wheelchair in place, and stand up to get something, then sit back down. I did this on and off for several days a week, and I believe it was preparing me for what was to come in the future. One day, while cleaning my bathroom, I stayed in my wheelchair with my seatbelt buckled. As I leaned over to clean the bathtub, my seatbelt broke, throwing me in the bathroom floor.
I was stunned but took that as a sign that I no longer needed to be secured into my wheelchair. My muscles had grown strong enough to hold me in place on their own. That was a turning point for me. God was showing me that I was becoming stronger little by little.
Overcoming Obstacles Through Faith
A few months
later, I was using my walker full-time. During therapy, my therapist and I went
outside to practice going up and down a curb in the parking lot with my walker.
This task was incredibly difficult for me. I could not do it because I wasn’t
strong enough for the movements required to lift and lower my walker over the
curb.
That week,
life circumstances led me to stay with my grandparents. They lived in a
split-level house where there was a step up to get into the kitchen and another
to enter the bathroom from the living room. For an entire week, I had to
maneuver these steps to get into the kitchen and bathroom.
The following
week, when I returned home and resumed therapy, I was able to go up and down
the curb so swiftly, like I had been doing it forever. It was as though God had
given me the time to practice and prepare for the very skill I needed to
master. Through that week’s experience, I became stronger and more confident.
Faith,
Patience, and God's Timing
These moments
in my recovery journey were hard, but they were filled with quiet miracles and
signs of progress. Even in our most challenging times, God provides us with
what we need to keep moving forward, preparing us for the next step in our
journey.
"But
they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up
with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk,
and not faint."
(Isaiah 40:31)
This verse
speaks to the patience and endurance required during difficult times. Sometimes
the most challenging steps in life are the ones that strengthen us the most.
Just as God guided me through my physical recovery, He will also guide us
through whatever obstacles we face, giving us the strength we need in His
perfect timing.
"And
we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them
who are the called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)
Even when it
feels like we’re stuck or struggling, God is using each moment for His purpose.
We might not see the progress right away, but He is working behind the scenes,
molding us and helping us become stronger in ways we may not even realize at
the time.
Through God’s
grace, I have learned that each challenge is an opportunity to grow, and every
setback is part of the preparation for what’s ahead. Trust in His timing, and
He will always guide the way.
 |
| Physical Therapy, approximately 2012 |
A Reminder of God's Plan
No matter how uncertain things may seem, I trust that God’s purpose for my life is far greater than anything I could imagine.
Share your thought below: where, in your life, have you seen God's hand at work?
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