Over the years, one of the greatest struggles I’ve faced has been the temptation to compare my current self with who I was before 2009. Before my accident, I was independent, capable, and self-motivated. I didn’t think twice about tackling physical tasks like mowing the lawn, painting a room, moving furniture, or washing my car. I took pride in my abilities and rarely questioned whether I could handle something.
That all changed after my accident. Starting from scratch—learning to breathe, talk, and walk again—humbled me in ways I never imagined. Tasks I once took for granted became monumental as I couldn’t feed, dress, or brush my teeth without help. Total reliance on others was both humbling and frustrating.
Yet, as I look back on my journey, I see how God has been at work. Gradually, I’ve regained so much, like the unexpected joy of tying my shoes or writing in cursive again. Though it’s laborious, as hand muscles tire quickly, it’s a reminder of how far I’ve come (though, typing is much preferred).
Recently, while attending the gym, I experienced another
moment of breakthrough. At first, I struggled with the rear deltoid machine. In
case you’re unfamiliar, this is a machine where you hold your arms in an “L”
shape, parallel to your shoulders, and bring them together in front of you,
mimicking a butterfly motion. At first, my right arm wouldn’t cooperate, but
with persistence and regular use of the machine, I eventually regained full
range of motion. Achieving that full range of motion felt so rewarding—it was a
huge accomplishment that reminded me of the value of perseverance and God’s
grace in my journey.
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| used, 2025 and new, 2009 |
Learning to Ask for Help
Despite the progress, there’s still a tension. Knowing what
I could do before the accident has, at times, cast a shadow over what I can do
now. Many times, I push myself to exhaustion or frustration before asking for
help, reluctant to admit I can’t do it alone. But over time, I’ve come to see
that needing help is not a weakness. It’s an opportunity for God to remind me
of His strength in my life and the community He has placed around me.
The Bible speaks to this struggle of comparison: "But
let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself
alone, and not in another. For every man shall bear his own burden." (Galatians
6:4-5)
This reminds me to focus on my own journey and progress
without comparing it to my past or anyone else’s journey. God’s purpose for
my life is unique, and it’s not meant to mirror anyone else’s or even who I was
before.
"For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or
compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring
themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not
wise." (2 Corinthians 10:12)
"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and
wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right
well." (Psalm 139:14)
This verse assures me that even in my current state, I am
a masterpiece of God’s design. He created me with a purpose, and my worth isn’t
determined by what I can or cannot do but by who He says I am.
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| Holding the tiny bee figurine. |
Another verse that has encouraged me is:
"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for
thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I
rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon
me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
In moments when I feel frustrated by my limitations, I am
reminded that God’s strength shines through my weakness. My reliance on Him and
His grace has been a cornerstone of my recovery.
Milestone: Applying My Scopolamine Patch
One of the advancements I want to share in my recovery
journey is my progress with applying my Scopolamine patch, the one that helps
control my saliva production.
In the past, I had to rely on someone else to apply the
patch for me. My lack of coordination made it difficult to peel the sticker off
and place it in the correct spot. But over time, I’ve worked on my fine motor
skills and gained enough dexterity to handle this task independently.
Now, every three days, I can remove the sticker from the
paper and place it behind my left or right ear, alternating sides with each
application.
This small yet significant accomplishment represents a step
forward in my independence. It’s a task that may seem simple, but being able to
complete it myself is a big deal for me. It’s a reminder of how even the smallest victories are worth celebrating.
Avoiding the Trap of Comparison
If you find yourself caught in the trap of
comparison—whether it’s with others or with your past self—take a moment to
reflect on how far you’ve come. Celebrate the small victories, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Progress isn’t about perfection; it’s about
perseverance.
For me, I’ll keep trusting God with my journey. He’s taught
me to see the beauty in progress, no matter how slow, and to embrace the person
He’s creating me to be.
Listening to My Body
Another lesson I’ve learned throughout my recovery is the
importance of listening—not just to others, but also to my own body. Over the
years, I’ve had therapists and doctors recommend certain exercises,
precautions, or approaches. While their expertise has been invaluable, I’ve
realized that they don’t know my body, my thoughts, or my limits the way I do.
If I had always followed every piece of advice to the
letter, I might not have advanced as far as I have today. That’s not to say I
dismiss professional guidance—far from it. But I’ve learned that recovery
requires a fine balance between caution and boldness. For me, it’s about
respecting my limits while also being willing to push them. After all, how will
you know what’s possible unless you try?
Falling Forward
Sometimes, this determination means going against what
others might think I’m ready for. “She can’t do that! It’s risky.” Take
falling, for instance. When filling out intake paperwork for a doctor’s
appointment, they often ask, “Have you fallen in the last 12 months?” My honest
answer? I’ve lost count. And while some might see frequent falls as a sign of
recklessness, I view them differently. For me, falling shows I’m pushing my
limits. Each stumble teaches me where my limits are, and persistence helps me
surpass them.
"Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall,
I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light unto me."
(Micah 7:8)
That’s not to say this approach is for everyone, nor does it
mean I throw caution to the wind. There are times when erring on the side of
safety is wise. But for me, pushing the envelope has been key to my growth. I
take what doctors and therapists suggest, weigh it against what I know about my
own body, and move forward with careful determination.
Trusting in God's Strength
This mindset is also rooted in faith.
"I can do all things through Christ which
strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13)
It’s through His strength that I’ve found the courage to
test my limits and the grace to keep going, even when the road is hard.
Tangible Reminders of Faith and Perseverance
While I don’t typically consider myself a sentimental
person, I do hold onto a few meaningful items from my recovery journey that
remind me of God’s faithfulness and my perseverance. One of these is a stuffed
sheep that I received during my hospital stay in 2009. Another is a prayer
quilt, lovingly made and gifted to me by the ladies in my church. These items
serve as tangible reminders of the love, support, and prayers that surrounded
me during some of my hardest days.
I also treasure a small bee figurine, given to me as a symbol of determination and purpose. Much like the way early scientists misunderstood the flight of the bee, thinking its small wings couldn't possibly support its larger body, we sometimes underestimate our ability to fulfill God's purpose for us. But just as the bee flies—not by defying physics, but by using an intricate design perfectly suited for its needs—we, too, are equipped by God with everything we need to rise above challenges and fulfill His plan. The bee's flight is a beautiful reminder that what may seem impossible to human understanding is entirely possible with divine intention.
Setting New Goals
This mindset has helped me overcome many obstacles in my
physical journey, and it continues to guide me as I look toward the future. One
of my goals, for example, is to someday transition from wearing glasses to
contacts. Currently, my prism (to correct double vision) is too high to make
that possible, but perhaps, with time, it will become achievable. Like the bee,
I’ll keep moving forward with faith, determination, and the belief that I can
accomplish what God has set before me.
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