Dreams, Determination & Purpose

In August 2009, my life was in a fragile state after my motorcycle accident. Among my injuries was a fractured spine at T7, requiring a six-hour surgery to meticulously place the fragmented pieces of my vertebrae back where they belonged. The surgeon secured everything with two 9-to-10-inch titanium rods and screws—a procedure that was critical to my recovery.

The Significance of the TLSO Brace

After the surgery, I was told I’d need to wear a TLSO brace, commonly called a "turtle shell," to keep my torso stable and allow my vertebrae to heal properly. TLSO stands for Thoracolumbosacral Orthosis:

• Thoraco refers to the thoracic spine (upper and mid-back).
• Lumbar refers to the lower back.
• Sacral refers to the sacrum, the area at the base of the spine.
• Orthosis refers to a brace or support device.

This hard plastic shell would encase my body from just below my collarbone to just above my hips, preventing any movement or twisting that could jeopardize my recovery.

My TLSO Brace

Choosing the Butterfly Pattern

I had the chance to choose the color and design of my brace, and I selected purple with a butterfly pattern. Butterflies are a symbol of transformation, and at that time, I didn’t realize just how meaningful that choice would become.

The brace became an essential part of my wardrobe for six weeks. It was worn over my clothes, snapped together in the front and back, and only removed for sponge baths and clothing changes. While it limited my mobility, I wasn’t moving much during that period, so it wasn’t as intrusive as it could have been. However, following the doctors’ instructions to the letter was crucial, and I took the responsibility seriously.

Butterflies at the Shepherd Center

When I was transferred to the Shepherd Center in Atlanta for rehabilitation, I noticed something remarkable. Many patient rooms had ceiling tiles decorated with artwork, and butterflies were a recurring theme. It felt significant to me, as if God was affirming the metaphor of my choice. A butterfly begins as a caterpillar, confined in its chrysalis during its transformation. Once it emerges, it is forever changed and can never return to what it once was.

Spiritual Reflection: Transformation Through Faith

This resonated deeply with my journey. My accident and recovery were my own metamorphosis, a process that transformed me in every way—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. As Romans 12:2 reminds us: "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

At around four weeks post-surgery, my doctors evaluated whether I still needed the brace. Their assessment was clear: I moved enough to require wearing it for the full six weeks. Though it was cumbersome at times, it was a vital tool in my healing process, reminding me daily to remain patient and trust the journey.

Looking back, that purple butterfly brace was more than just a medical necessity; it became a symbol of hope and a constant reminder that I was undergoing a transformation. Just as 2 Corinthians 5:17 declares: "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."

Like a butterfly, I would emerge stronger, with a new sense of purpose and a story of God’s faithfulness to share with the world.

Blurred Reality in the ICU

During my time in the ICU in North Carolina, much of what happened remains a blur. I wasn’t coherent and don’t remember much from those weeks. The line between dreams and reality often felt indistinguishable, and I had to ask if certain events actually happened or if they were figments of my imagination. But there are some dreams from that time I vividly remember.

A Recurring Dream of Comfort

Now, I’m not saying all dreams are prophetic. However, the Bible teaches us that God can use dreams to communicate, guide, and comfort His people. Joseph’s dreams in Genesis and the visions of Daniel come to mind. Whether or not my dreams were directly from God, I cannot help but feel they were meant to encourage me during one of the most challenging times in my life.

One recurring dream stands out to me, particularly as I reflect on my journey. In this dream, I was experiencing heat—something that makes sense now, as it was July, and the hospital’s beautiful, large windows let in the summer sun. I also underwent countless MRIs, CAT scans, and other imaging procedures, all of which might explain the sensations I felt in the dream.

Symbolism and Interpretation

But what truly struck me was this: in the dream, Jake, my husband, would take my hand. Together, we would float off the ground, rising toward the sky. As we ascended, I would suddenly hit an invisible barrier, bouncing back down to earth. Jake, however, would continue upward.

At the time, I didn’t understand it, but as I’ve reflected on that dream, I see it as a source of comfort. To me, it symbolized Jake waiting for me and moving on to heaven. The fact that I could not pass through the barrier, no matter how hard I tried, spoke volumes: it wasn’t my time to go.

USS NC, Wilmington, April 2009

Finding Renewed Purpose

This realization brought me peace and a renewed sense of purpose. It was as if God was reminding me through this dream that I needed to focus on the work ahead. It wasn’t my time to leave; it was my time to live. “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end” (Jeremiah 29:11).

From that moment on, I knew I needed to do everything in my power to aid in my recovery. I needed to make every effort to regain my strength, to keep moving forward, and to embrace the life God had preserved for me.

Living with Purpose: A Life Preserved by God

This dream, whether inspired by my own subconscious or divinely given, served as a pivotal moment in my journey. It helped me shift my perspective and recognize that even in the darkest times, God provides glimpses of hope and reassurance. As Job 33:15-16 reminds us, “In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed; Then he openeth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction.”

For anyone going through hardship, I encourage you to look for those moments of reassurance, no matter how small. Whether they come in a dream, a kind word, or an unexpected blessing, they are reminders that God is near, guiding you and strengthening you for the journey ahead.

As I look back now, that dream was more than just a fleeting image in my mind—it was a catalyst for action and a reminder that my story wasn’t over. “I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord” (Psalm 118:17).

Initially, I remember praying in my spirit that I would die. But in that moment of prayer, I felt God speak to me, saying, "You will not die." That revelation changed everything for me. So I pressed on, determined to get busy living, trusting that God still had a purpose for me.

The Bible tells us that we all have an appointment with death. It is not a respecter of persons; it can come for anyone at any time. You don’t have to reach a certain age or be in a specific situation for death to make its appearance. That is a sobering reality to reflect on.

This truth challenges us to make the most of the time we have, living without regrets. It’s important that we can feel confident in the lives we lead and the example we share with others.

How are you fully living?

Be encouraged. 🧡