Sitting in the Quiet In-Between
I went into my esophageal procedure this week expecting a routine step
forward in my swallowing journey—focusing on my esophagus and hoping for
clarity. But if there is one lesson chronic medical challenges teach us, it is
that our journeys rarely follow our expected human scripts.
During the procedure, my doctor found an unexpected visual
concern regarding the tissue lining my esophagus. He immediately took a biopsy
to send off for pathology testing. Just like that, the trajectory of my day
shifted. I found myself sitting in that familiar, quiet in-between—the space of
waiting, holding my breath, and anticipating results.
It is a deeply vulnerable place to be. Your mind wants to
race ahead, to anticipate every scenario, and to wrestle with the unknown. Yet,
right in the middle of that vulnerability, God showed up in His quiet
providence. He gave me a gentle, timely reminder of who is holding my story,
who has always held my story, and why I can trust Him with tomorrow.
Proverbs 3:5–6 "Trust in the LORD with all
thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways
acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
A Note Tucked Between the Pages
The other day, my mom was looking through my Mamaw's Bible.
She passed away almost two years ago, leaving behind a legacy of faith that
still warms our hearts. Tucked tenderly between the pages of her well-worn
Scripture was a handwritten note in her distinctive, familiar handwriting.
On it, she had written a simple, heartfelt prayer:
"Jesus please heal Felicia completely and thank you
holy Father."
Holding that slip of paper brought immediate tears to my eyes. It was a profound reminder that long before I fully understood the depth of my injuries or the long road ahead, someone who loved me was faithfully carrying my name directly before the throne of God.
It immediately brought to mind the vivid imagery in the Book
of Revelation, where John describes the atmosphere of heaven and how our
earthly petitions are received by God:
Revelation 5:8 "And when he had taken the
book, the four beasts and four and twenty elders fell down before the Lamb,
having every one of them harps, and golden vials full of odours, which are the
prayers of saints."
Later in the vision, John sees these prayers again at the
heavenly altar:
Revelation 8:3–4 "And another angel came and
stood at the altar, having a golden censer; and there was given unto him much
incense, that he should offer it with the prayers of all saints upon the golden
altar which was before the throne. And the smoke of the incense, which came
with the prayers of the saints, ascended up before God out of the angel's
hand."
What an breathtaking promise! Our prayers are never wasted,
forgotten, or lost in the ether. God hears them, treasures them, holds them in
golden vials, and answers them according to His perfect wisdom and timing.
Remembering the First Miracle
As I reflected on that handwritten note, my mind drifted
back to another miracle early in my recovery. Years ago, after my severe
motorcycle accident, my right arm would not move at all due to extensive nerve
damage. The medical team discussed performing a nerve graft—a complex surgery
to reconnect the damaged pathway in hopes of restoring function.
It felt like an overwhelming hurdle. But before that surgery
ever became necessary, something incredible happened: my arm began moving again
on its own. The neural pathway reconnected, and I never needed that graft. It
was a clear, unmistakable touch of God’s restoring hand.
Now, after my recent esophagus procedure, I find myself
standing in a strikingly similar place. My doctors explain that my swallowing
difficulties aren't simply a matter of strengthening muscles through routine
exercise. The deeper challenge is that the nerve pathway between my brain and
the involuntary muscles responsible for swallowing must reconnect and function
properly. In so many ways, it mirrors what I faced with my arm.
I admitted to my mom that I couldn't understand why one
nerve-related issue had fully resolved back then while the other hasn't yet.
When I mentioned that connection to her, she looked at me and quietly said
something I will never forget:
"I strongly believe your arm recovered because
that's something your Mamaw specifically prayed for."
The Persistent Echo of Faith
I can't say exactly how God chooses to answer each
individual prayer. I don't know every single petition my Mamaw prayed for me in
the quietness of her room, and I certainly don't remember every desperate
prayer I prayed for myself during those raw, painful early days.
But I do know this absolute truth: God hears the prayers of
His people.
Psalm 34:15 "The eyes of the LORD are upon
the righteous, and his ears are open unto their cry."
Sometimes He answers immediately. Sometimes He answers years
later. And sometimes He answers after the warrior who prayed has already
finished her race and gone home to be with Him. Finding that handwritten note
reminded me that even though my Mamaw is no longer here on earth, the God she
prayed to is very much alive and present. He has not forgotten me, nor has He
forgotten a single word written on that piece of paper.
So while I wait on medical results and continue praying for
healing in my swallowing, I find deep hope in remembering that the same God who
restored movement to my arm is still fully able to do what seems humanly
impossible today. He holds every nerve, every outcome, and every prayer stored
up in those golden vials.
Jeremiah 32:17 "Ah Lord GOD! behold, thou
hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm,
and there is nothing too hard for thee."
God in the Details and the Exact Timing
Recently in Sunday school, I was studying the story of
Elijah in 1 Kings. Elijah declared a severe drought to King Ahab as a direct
judgment upon his kingdom for their disobedience and idol worship. In those
days, Baal was worshipped as the god of weather, rain, and agricultural
prosperity.
When God answered their idolatry with a drought, it wasn't a
random penalty. It was a direct, intentional response that exposed the complete
powerlessness of their false god.
1 Kings 17:1 "And Elijah the Tishbite, who
was of the inhabitants of Gilead, said unto Ahab, As the LORD God of Israel
liveth, before whom I stand, there shall not be dew nor rain these years, but
according to my word."
That lesson was a striking reminder that God is meticulously
in the details. His timing is exact, His logic is intentional, and His purpose
is always specific.
I see that same sovereign design woven throughout my own
medical journey right now:
- Step
1: If I hadn’t been working closely with my speech therapist, I
wouldn’t have had the specific swallow study that prompted me to revisit
my ENT.
- Step
2: If I hadn't gone back to my ENT, he wouldn't have suggested this
specific procedure—one we hadn't tried yet.
- Step
3: If we hadn't agreed to move forward with the procedure, he never
would have seen the visible tissue abnormality or been able to send it off
for a biopsy.
Without those earlier steps, that underlying issue would
have remained completely hidden and untreated.
Nothing in this process has been wasted. What felt like a
roundabout, indirect path was actually God ordering my steps to reveal what
needed to be brought to light. Just as He held the weather in Elijah’s day, He
is holding the precise timeline of my health today.
Psalm 37:23 "The steps of a good man are
ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way."
Milestone Days and Answers to Prayer
Today marks the 17th anniversary of my motorcycle
accident—the day my life changed in an instant, but also the day God began
showing me undeniable miracles.
On this exact milestone day, I received a callback from my
ENT with the official biopsy results: it is positive for Eosinophilic
Esophagitis (EoE).
While receiving a chronic diagnosis can feel overwhelming on
the surface, I genuinely see it as an answer to prayer. If we hadn't gone
through every step of this exact process, we would still be in the dark,
wondering why my progress felt stalled.
Now, we have clarity. I have a clear follow-up plan with my
ENT and a referral to a gastroenterologist to begin targeted treatment to calm
the tissue.
Seventeen years ago today, God preserved my life on the
pavement. Today, on this exact anniversary, He gave me clarity for my health
moving forward. He is still in the details. His timing is still perfect. And He
is still answering the prayers stored in those golden vials.
Psalm 28:6–7 "Blessed be the LORD, because he
hath heard the voice of my supplications. The LORD is my strength and my
shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly
rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him."
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