In my last post, I shared how the imagery in Revelation—prayers kept in golden vials, precious and never forgotten—helped me process my diagnosis of Eosinophilic Esophagitis (EOE). Receiving that answer on the exact 17th anniversary milestone of my motorcycle accident was a profound reminder that God’s timing is intentional.
In
ancient times and biblical symbolism, gold represents absolute purity and
supreme value. God does not treat our petitions as passing, disposable
words. He doesn't let them vanish into nothingness. Instead, He preserves them
in Heaven like precious treasures.
Then in
Revelation 8:3–4, an angel stands at the golden altar with a censer, and the
smoke of that incense—carrying every prayer, every whisper, and every quiet
tear—ascends directly before the throne of God. Your words reach the very
center of divine authority.
When
Fire Falls: Divine Timing
Notice
what happens next in Revelation 8:5. After the prayers accumulate and the
incense rises, the angel takes that same censer, fills it with fire from the
altar, and hurls it onto the earth—bringing thunder, lightning, and decisive
movement.
The
very vessel that held the quiet, burning prayers of God's people becomes the
vessel that carries His power back down to earth.
This
shows us something profound about unanswered prayer: a delay is not
indifference—it is preparation.
God
does not operate on a microwave timer. He accumulates our prayers until the
precise moment His divine will, timing, and purpose intersect. The vial is
filling. When the golden censer is finally poured out, the response carries the
full weight of Heaven.
Looking
back on 17 years of prayers that felt unanswered in the moment, I realize now
that not a single one was lost in transit. Every prayer offered during those
long years was sitting safely in pure gold right at the throne of God, waiting
for the right time.
I’ve learned to be content with my circumstances. I have told God that I’d rather enter Heaven like I am than be whole and go to Hell.
But as
I’ve sat with this revelation over the past few days, the Lord has been showing
me that the timeline goes even deeper than I initially realized.
Looking
back, I can see a trail of ordered steps. Every closed door, every decision,
every person placed in my path was quietly lining up to bring me to this exact
moment.
The
Doors That Had to Close: Stepping Away from Teaching
When
you’re in the middle of a life transition, it’s rarely easy. One of the biggest
shifts for me was the bittersweet decision to end my time in teaching.
At the
time, walking away from that chapter felt heavy. I knew in my spirit that the
Lord was closing that door so He could open new ones, but leaving something
familiar is always a test of trust.
What I
didn't see then—what I couldn't see—was that stepping away was a necessary
piece of the puzzle.
If I
had stayed on that path, I would not have had the capacity, the flexibility, or
the opportunity to meet the specific people I needed to meet, or be in the
right places at the right time. Every interaction and shift in my schedule
over the last few years was secretly serving a purpose: positioning me to
finally receive this diagnosis and the care I needed.
Proverbs 16:9 “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”
We
often want to see the whole staircase, but God usually just shows us the next
step. Looking back now, I see that even the painful transitions were acts of
protection and preparation.
Holding
Hope Without Demanding Guarantees
I’ll be honest with you: sitting where I am right now is
overwhelming.
I don't
know what the future holds with this diagnosis. I don't know every detail of
what lies ahead on this medical journey.
I am
remaining extremely positive and hopeful—especially based on the encouraging
things I’ve heard from my doctors. But there’s a delicate balance we all have
to walk when facing health challenges: how do we hold onto fierce hope without
building up human expectations for a specific outcome?
Scripture
tells us that “faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of
things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1).
Faith
doesn't demand a guaranteed blueprint from God; it simply chooses to trust
Him with the unknown. Keeping that faith alive means choosing to believe
that whatever comes, God is already in my tomorrow.
When you spent nearly two decades adapting to unresolved
physical symptoms, survival mode becomes your second nature. You learn
how to push through the exhaustion, downplay the pain, and adjust your daily
routines just to keep moving forward. But when an answer finally comes, it
brings a whole new emotional season that nobody really prepares you for—the in-between.
The in-between is that quiet space where the mystery has
ended, but the healing journey is just beginning. It’s where relief and
grief sit at the very same table.
On one hand, there is a profound, holy wonder in knowing
that God heard every prayer and that every piece of your timeline was carefully
directed. On the other hand, there is a very human weight in realizing how long
you carried the heavy burden of the unknown. Allowing yourself to feel both of
those things isn't a lack of faith; it’s simply being honest about the human
experience.
God doesn't ask us to put on a brave face or pretend the
journey hasn't been tiring. Throughout Scripture, He invites us to bring our
rawest emotions right into His presence. In the middle of this in-between
space, I am learning that surrender isn't a one-time event—it’s a daily
decision. It means laying down my desire to control the outcome, releasing
the lingering exhaustion of the past 17 years, and choosing to trust that
the same God who held my prayers in gold is holding my tomorrow.
If you find yourself in your own "in-between"
right now—standing between a past challenge and an unwritten future—give
yourself the grace to breathe. You don't have to have every step mapped out
today. You just have to hold onto the One who does.
The
Lies We Reject and the Light We Shine
As I
process all of this, two thoughts have become overwhelming, prominent truths in
my spirit.
First,
the enemy loves to whisper quiet lies into our hardest seasons. He wants to
tell us that we aren't capable. That we can't do it. That we have no voice, no
influence, and that our story makes no difference.
I
want to remind you today: anything the enemy tells you is one big lie.
You
do have a voice. You are heard. Your story does make a difference, and what you
do with your life matters deeply.
My
ultimate goal in sharing all of this—the highs, the lows, the diagnoses,
and the waiting—is simply to share the goodness of God with a thankful heart.
As children of God, that should be our highest calling: to live in such a way
that when people look at our lives, they see something unique, different, and
undeniably pointing back to Jesus.
Doing
My Part: Faith and Practical Determination
Refusing
to listen to those lies doesn't mean pretending things are easy. It means
getting up every day and doing the work, trusting God to supply the strength.
Recently,
I was attending an event at a large facility with over a thousand people.
Between the crowds and the long walking distances, using my walker was an
absolute necessity. To be completely honest, I’ve never wanted to rely on it
less than I did that week.
While I
am grateful for the help when I need it, it is my goal to keep pushing forward,
making steady improvements so that one day I may not need it in those spaces.
Even small, practical changes make a difference—like finding a backpack for my
things so my balance isn't thrown off by carrying weight on just one side.
I know
that physical progress takes time, dedication, and God’s grace. But looking
back over my life, that is exactly how I have overcome every single obstacle
I’ve ever conquered. God provides the grace, but He also calls us to take
the next step.
Nothing
New Under the Sun
Our
struggles may be unique in the details, but as Ecclesiastes reminds us, there
is nothing new under the sun. We all carry burdens. We all fight battles—some
visible, some hidden.
My
prayer is that by sharing my journey with open hands and an honest heart, you
find a spark of encouragement for yours. Whatever battle you are facing today,
remember that your prayers are kept in gold, your steps are ordered, your voice
matters, and the God who brought you this far is faithful to see you through.
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