One More Thing to Deal With — one more reason to trust God

As I sit down to write this, I’m feeling a little frustrated. Not about anything major — at least not by the world’s standards — but rather something that’s become a consistent irritation in my daily life lately.

I’ve mentioned before that I use a circular patch behind my ear every 72 hours. (previous post My Daily Bread - what not swallowing means) It’s called a scopolamine patch, and while it’s commonly prescribed to prevent motion sickness, I use it for something different. For me, this patch helps regulate saliva production — something many people never have to think about, but something I have to manage every single day.

Because of my injuries and the complications that followed, my body doesn’t always do what it’s supposed to. One of those things is controlling how much saliva I produce. Without the patch, it can become overwhelming — uncomfortable, distracting, and even unsafe if it interferes with my breathing or triggers other issues. So, the patch has been a small but crucial part of helping me function more comfortably and confidently.

It had been working beautifully for a long time. I was using a specific brand through my pharmacy, and it stuck well for the full 72 hours like it was supposed to. It had a thick, oil-based adhesive that stayed put no matter what. But recently, the pharmacy could no longer get that brand, and without much warning, I was switched to another version.

That’s when the trouble started.

This new brand doesn’t stay on. Sometimes it barely makes it 24 hours before peeling off. I’ve tried using adhesive spray to make it stick better, but honestly, I’m not sure it’s helping at all. I find myself constantly checking behind my ear, adjusting, replacing, and reapplying the patch. It’s become one more thing to manage — and on some days, it feels like too much.

I did look into switching back to the brand that worked, but it would mean paying out of pocket, and unfortunately, that’s just not realistic. As frustrating as it is, it’s cheaper to go through more of the less-effective patches than to pay for the “good” ones. So I’m trying to make it work — even if “making it work” sometimes means dealing with uncertainty and discomfort.

And maybe that’s what’s really getting to me.

When you live with chronic medical needs, nothing ever feels truly easy. Something as simple as a sticker behind the ear — something most people would never notice — can become a central part of your day. And when that “simple” thing stops doing its job, everything else feels harder, too.

I know God is still faithful. I know He sees me. I know this is just one more thing I can hand over to Him. But still — it’s okay to say this is hard. It doesn’t make me weak. It just makes me honest.

December 2009

Mindset Matters More Than We Think

I’ll admit — I’ve been feeling kind of blah lately. Not mean, not rude, not bitter. Just off. My energy has felt flat, and I haven’t been as upbeat or motivated as I usually try to be. At first, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but now that I think about it, maybe it has something to do with this extra issue I’m currently dealing with — the patch situation I talked about earlier.

Isn’t it funny how small things can wear us down over time? It’s not always the big storms that knock us over. Sometimes it’s the constant drizzle, the little things that stack up when we’re already stretched thin. I know I shouldn’t let my physical challenges affect my emotional or spiritual outlook — but as humans, it happens. We are not just bodies; we are minds and hearts, too.

So today, I want to remind you and myself that it’s important to rise above the weight of these everyday struggles. It doesn’t mean ignoring what’s hard or pretending it doesn’t hurt. But it does mean choosing not to let those things have the final word over our attitude.

There’s an old saying: “Your attitude is 99% of the battle.” And honestly? I believe that’s true.

When I feel down or discouraged, I try to come back to what I know, not just what I feel. Feelings are real, but they’re not always true. They shift, change, and respond to circumstances. Truth is steady. Truth is where we anchor.

Here are a few verses that help me shift my mindset when I feel like I’m slipping:

“This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24)

That doesn’t mean every day is easy. But it is a gift. Even the days that feel frustrating, repetitive, or heavy — He made this one, too. And we are invited to rejoice in it.

“Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.” (Colossians 3:2)

This reminds me that my focus matters. If I’m constantly looking at my problems, of course they’ll seem bigger than life. But if I lift my eyes to Him — to eternity — it helps me see everything with clearer, calmer perspective.

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” (Isaiah 26:3)

Peace doesn’t come from everything going right. It comes from keeping my mind stayed — focused — on God. He is my steady place. My peace.

Encouraging Yourself in the Lord

There’s a quiet strength in those words: “David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.”  (1 Samuel 30:6) He didn’t wait for someone else to come speak life over him. He didn’t wait until things were going well. He didn’t have to be in a good place emotionally first. He simply chose to go to the Source — his God — and find encouragement right there, in the middle of the mess.

That’s where I’m at today. And maybe you are, too.

I don’t feel full of energy or inspiration. I don’t have all the answers. I’m not walking in victory today — not outwardly. But what I can do is what David did — encourage myself in the Lord.

That might look like:

• Reminding myself of what He’s already brought me through.
• Repeating His promises out loud, even if I don’t feel them yet.
• Singing or humming a hymn that lifts my spirit.
• Reading Scripture that renews my mind.
• Simply sitting in His presence and saying, “Lord, I need You.”

One of my go-to verses in moments like this is:

“Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.” (Psalm 42:5)

That “yet” is everything. It says, “This might be hard right now — but it’s not the end.” I shall yet praise Him. My circumstances don’t get the last word. God does.

A Small But Mighty Victory

Sometimes the victory is just getting through the day without giving up. Sometimes it’s taking care of your body even when you’re tired. Sometimes it’s writing a blog post when your heart isn’t “feeling it,” but you press on because you know someone might need the words.

Sometimes our greatest spiritual battles aren’t dramatic — they’re subtle. They happen in the quiet frustrations. The daily disappointments. The routines that feel heavy. That’s when we need to press in. To pray. To speak truth over ourselves. To sing when we don’t feel like singing.

I’m reminding myself — and hopefully reminding you — that we don’t have to feel strong to be strong. We just have to lean on the One who is.

Today, I count writing this post as a victory. I didn’t feel like it. I was tired. I was frustrated. But I wrote anyway. I shared anyway. And through this process, I ended up encouraging myself in the Lord.

I cried reading my own words. Not out of sadness, but because they came from such a deep and honest place in my heart. They were what I needed to hear — and say.

Maybe someone else needs to hear them too. Maybe that someone is you.

Final Encouragement

If you’re dealing with something small that feels big, or something big that feels impossible, remember this: you’re not alone. God sees. He knows. And He’s not distant. In fact, He’s right beside you, ready to be your strength.

Take a moment today to encourage yourself in Him. Speak His promises out loud. Pray. Sing. Praise. Even if your voice shakes.

Because He’s worth it — and so are you.

"The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit." (Psalm 34:18)

Keep going. Keep trusting. And keep looking up.

Be encouraged. 🧡

                                                   🎵 Listen to this Truth Crazy About You

Learning the Hard Way

The First Lockout – A Wake-Up Call

Recently, I had an early morning gym session and accidentally locked my single set of car keys inside my vehicle. The moment I walked into the gym, I realized my mistake. Every time I go to the gym, I scan a barcode on my keyring to check in. As I reached for my keys to scan, my heart dropped—I didn’t have them. My mind immediately flashed back to where I had left them: sitting right on the driver's seat. I had taken them out of the ignition and placed them there, as I always do, so they would be in my hand when I scanned them. But this time, I had stepped out and shut the door before grabbing them.

My initial thought was, You have got to be kidding me. I couldn’t believe it. I felt a mix of frustration and disbelief. How had I been so absentminded? But with nothing left to do, I pulled out my phone and contacted roadside assistance.

Thankfully, I had my roadside assistance app, so I requested a locksmith and waited for the tow truck driver to arrive. It took about an hour, but he was friendly and efficient, unlocking my car within minutes. Despite this mishap, I was hesitant to purchase a programmed key due to the high cost. So, I decided not to.

The Second Lockout – Learning the Hard Way

Fast forward six days. It was an evening like any other, and I was attending a church function, surrounded by familiar faces and warm conversations. Everything was going smoothly—until it was time to leave.

Getting things together, ready to head home, that’s when a sudden, sinking realization hit me. My keys were locked inside my car. Again.

I could almost hear my own frustrated sigh echoing in my head. Seriously? How could I have done this again—in less than a week? Just days ago, I had promised myself I’d be more careful. Yet, here I was, outside of my locked car, feeling a mix of disbelief and self-annoyance.

My church family was incredibly kind and understanding. They reassured me, saying things like, “Oh, don’t worry! This has happened to all of us at some point,” and “It’s no big deal—you’ll get it sorted out.” Their words were meant to encourage me, but I couldn’t help but feel frustrated with myself.

To them, it was just a minor inconvenience—something easily fixed. But to me? It was a glaring reminder that I had ignored an obvious solution. I had been too stubborn (or maybe just too hesitant) to get a spare key after the first incident, and now I was paying for it.

Once again, I pulled out my roadside assistance app, requested a locksmith, and settled in to wait. And as I stayed there, watching some folks drive off while I was stuck waiting for a tow truck, I kept thinking about how avoidable this situation had been.

By the time the locksmith arrived and popped the lock open, I was more than ready to be done with this lesson in patience. As I finally got behind the wheel and drove home, I made a firm decision: I am getting a spare key. No more excuses.

And this time, I actually followed through.

not my actual spare

Why I Hesitated to Get a Spare Key

Looking back, I’m not entirely sure why I was so hesitant to get a spare key made. I suppose, at the core of it, my hesitation came down to a few things—one of them being the financial aspect.

When I first looked into getting a spare, I had been quoted a ridiculous price for a programmed key. Spending that much money on something I might never actually need felt like a waste. That’s usually how things go—once you finally get the backup, you never end up using it. So, I convinced myself it wasn’t worth the cost.

But if I’m honest, maybe it wasn’t just about the money. Maybe I was also just brushing it off, thinking, Oh, this won’t happen again. Or maybe, deep down, I didn’t want to admit that I should have taken action sooner.

Whatever the reason, I had let my justifications keep me from making a simple, practical decision. And in doing so, I had unknowingly set myself up for another frustrating situation.

A Lesson from Naaman: Obedience in the Small Things

In the Bible, there’s a powerful account of Naaman, a wealthy and well-respected man who suffered from leprosy. Desperate for healing, he sought out the prophet Elisha and received a simple but unexpected instruction:

"Go and wash in Jordan seven times, and thy flesh shall come again to thee, and thou shalt be clean." (2 Kings 5:10)

The Jordan River was known to be filthy, and Naaman, in his pride, resisted at first. He had expected a grander, more dignified method of healing. But his servant wisely pointed out:

"My father, if the prophet had bid thee do some great thing, wouldest thou not have done it? how much rather then, when he saith to thee, Wash, and be clean?" (2 Kings 5:13)

Convicted, Naaman humbled himself, followed God’s instruction, and received complete healing:

"Then went he down, and dipped himself seven times in Jordan, according to the saying of the man of God: and his flesh came again like unto the flesh of a little child, and he was clean." (2 Kings 5:14)

Applying Naaman’s Story to Everyday Life

That story made me think about how sometimes the solutions to our problems are much simpler than we make them out to be. Just the other day, I found myself in a frustrating situation that could easily be remedied—I just needed to get a spare key. It wasn’t complicated, it wasn’t too expensive, yet for some reason, I hesitated.

The Importance of Simple Obedience

And then it hit me: why do I resist the simple solutions God puts in front of me? Like Naaman, I sometimes expect a more complex or grand solution to a problem, when really, obedience in the small things is all that’s needed.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

God often works through simple, everyday steps, and when we choose to follow His guidance, even when it doesn’t make sense to us, we find the resolution we’ve been seeking.

So I got the spare key. Problem solved. (A simple, cheaper door only key).

"Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams." (1 Samuel 15:22)

Resisting Simple Solutions

This whole situation got me thinking—how often do we, as people, resist the simplest solutions? How many times do we convince ourselves that we don’t need help, that we can handle things on our own, or that our way is better?

I realized that my hesitation over getting a spare key wasn’t just about the money. It was about my mindset. I thought I could avoid the inconvenience, that I wouldn’t need a backup, and that I could work around the problem if it ever came up again. But all I really did was make things harder for myself.

It’s the same in so many areas of life. We overcomplicate things, searching for bigger, more elaborate answers when, in reality, the simplest solution is right in front of us. We try to fix situations in our own way, delaying what could have been resolved much sooner—just like Naaman in the Bible. He wanted a grand healing, but all he had to do was obey a simple command.

How often do we do the same thing? How often do we resist the easy answer just because it doesn’t seem big enough or important enough? But God often works through small, straightforward steps. And when we choose to obey—even in the little things—we find the peace and provision we’ve been searching for all along.

So, whether it’s a spare key or a step of faith, let’s not resist the simple solutions God provides. Sometimes, the easiest answer is also the right one.

Have you ever learned a lesson the hard way? Let me know in the comments!

 Be encouraged. 🧡

                                            🎵Listen to these encouraging lyrics Fires

Trusting God's Timing

Taking an Honest Look at Myself

The process of searching for employment has been challenging, primarily because I need part-time hours, and many positions don’t align with those hours and/or my physical capabilities. I’m trying to remain hopeful though things in this arena look bleak because I can only bring home a specific amount and that is HARD to find with the available hours/payrate.

I have had to take a deep introspective look at myself, evaluating my strengths and limitations. Mentally, I know I am more than capable of handling the jobs I apply for. I have the necessary experience and skills. However, my biggest concern has always been my physical abilities. Before my accident, I never gave a second thought to walking, carrying things, lifting, or performing fine motor tasks. Now, those can be challenges I have to navigate carefully.

Walking while carrying anything over five pounds is difficult. I would have to use my walker for support for bigger loads. My dexterity and motor skills have improved, but they still require multiple attempts at times to accomplish certain tasks. Simple movements that used to be automatic now require intentional effort and thought.

And I’m just being really honest right now—because sometimes setbacks and the things I can’t do, or knowing that my past capabilities surpassed what I can do now, make me feel a little sad or even disappointed in myself. And I guess, mentally, I’m trying to navigate those feelings in a healthy way.

Despite these challenges, I refuse to let my limitations define me. Every obstacle I encounter is an opportunity for problem-solving and adaptation. Over the years, I’ve developed strategies to work around difficulties, whether that means using assistive devices, modifying my approach to tasks, or simply taking more time to complete them. I know that in a work environment, my determination and adaptability will serve me well. Employers look for problem-solvers, and I have had a lifetime of experience finding creative ways to meet my needs.

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Philippians 4:13

Showcasing My Skills and Strengths

As I continue my job search, I’ve taken time to reflect on the skills and strengths I bring to any position. I hold a Bachelor’s degree in Elementary Education with a concentration in reading, and I have years of experience teaching in my own homeschool. This background has given me valuable skills in curriculum planning, organization, time management, and adaptability—all of which are essential in an educational or administrative setting.

I tend to be highly organized, ensuring that everything has its place—whether it’s a physical workspace or a digital database. This skill is crucial for maintaining efficiency in any professional role.

I also have strong verbal and written communication skills. I enjoy interacting with people and building a good rapport with coworkers and clients. My ability to communicate effectively allows me to work well in team environments and handle tasks that require clarity and professionalism.

In terms of technical skills, I have experience with various data entry software and other specialized programs. Additionally, I have been exploring computer coding and scripting to enhance my technical abilities further. Having a foundation in these areas can be beneficial in roles that require adaptability and a willingness to learn new technologies. Understanding my strengths has given me confidence as I take control of my job search process.

Taking Control of My Job Search

I recently made the decision to cancel the weekly meetings with my job coach. While they were initially helpful, I feel confident in my ability to navigate the job search process independently. I know what to look for, what type of work I need, and how to make informed decisions. However, I am keeping my vocational rehabilitation case open with my initial contact. We will continue correspondence through email and occasional phone calls. Closing my case entirely would require a tremendous amount of paperwork if I ever wanted to reopen it. Additionally, my counselor mentioned a few other helpful resources that my case might allow for in the future. Ultimately, I will be handling job applications and interviews on my own, and I feel ready to take that step.

I was deeply conflicted about whether or not I should eliminate job coaching and the weekly maintenance meetings. I greatly appreciated my job coach’s effort, time, and involvement in my unique situation. However, I ultimately felt like the meetings became more of a burden than an aid. Now that I fully understand what is required for my employment search, I am ready to move forward on my own terms. Even though I felt conflicted, I truly feel at peace with my decision. I know it was the right move for me. Although this step is scary, I trust that the Lord knows all things. This is a moment for me to embrace the journey ahead with faith and confidence.

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”  2 Timothy 1:7

I am currently looking for positions that align with my background in administrative, clerical, or educational settings. These fields fit well with my skill set, but I am also open to new opportunities. I am a fast learner and can be an asset even when faced with unfamiliar software or tasks. I know that adaptability is key, and I am prepared to step into a role where I can grow and contribute effectively.

Preparing for My Interview

When I received the opportunity to interview for a position, I made sure to research the company thoroughly. I visited their website, read about their mission statement and values, and considered whether they aligned with my own beliefs. Understanding a company’s core values helps determine whether it’s the right fit for me.

I also prepared for common interview questions by reading articles and watching videos on effective interview techniques. This helped me practice my responses and anticipate potential questions. Additionally, I reminded myself that an interview is not just about the employer evaluating me—it’s also an opportunity for me to assess whether the company is the right place for me. Asking thoughtful questions allows me to gain insight into their work culture and expectations.

Trusting in God’s Guidance

Before my interview, I prayed and asked the Lord for guidance, wisdom, and peace. I wanted to feel calm and confident, knowing that whatever the outcome, He is in control. The Bible reminds me:

“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.”  1 Peter 5:7

By leaning on my faith, I was able to walk into the interview with a sense of peace. No matter what happens, I trust that the right opportunity will come at the right time.

Overcoming Self-Doubt and Perception

Another challenge I’ve considered is how others perceive me in a professional setting. If I had a choice, I would prefer an initial video interview rather than an in-person one. I know that people, even unconsciously, make judgments based on appearance and mobility. Walking into an interview with my walker—something I don’t always need—may lead to assumptions about my abilities before I even have a chance to speak. That is a difficult reality to navigate mentally. Looking at yourself critically and acknowledging perceived flaws is never easy. I know that this mindset is something I need to overcome, but I also want to be honest about my struggles.

Recently, I actually had my first job interview, which stirred up some anxiety—not just about the interview itself but about physically navigating the space. As much as people try not to cast judgment, sometimes it happens unconsciously. That thought weighed on me, but I pushed through. The experience taught me a lot about what to do and what not to do in such situations, and despite my nerves, I felt a sense of accomplishment just for getting through it.

“Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.”  Proverbs 16:3

Upon leaving the interview, I was given some paperwork that made me think I might be moving forward in the hiring process. However, I wasn’t completely sure. I prayed specifically for a clear-cut answer, asking God to show me whether this door was open or closed. The next morning, I received an email with my definitive answer—the door was closed. Instead of feeling discouraged, I felt peace. I knew I could trust God’s plan.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

This journey is not just about finding a job—it is about refining my faith, strengthening my resilience, and preparing for the next chapter that God has for me. I know that He is with me in every step, and I am confident that the right door will open at the right time. Until then, I will continue pressing forward, knowing that He is guiding me.

This journey has not been easy, but I know that each step is part of God’s greater plan. As I continue my job search, I will walk in faith, trusting that He will place me exactly where I need to be. I am learning, growing, and preparing for the right opportunity—and I know that in His perfect timing, the door will open.

What's weighing on your mind?

 Be encouraged. 🧡                                                                            🎵Fear is a Liar

When Muscles Won’t Listen: spasticity

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been dealing with some leg discomfort that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. It wasn’t always there, but when it was, I could trace the pain in a line from my hip to my ankle. It mainly happened when I stood or walked, though not consistently. It wasn’t unbearable—more like an annoying tightness tor dull pain.

Since I wasn’t sure what was causing it, I went to see my chiropractor. After an adjustment, I felt some relief, but the issue wasn’t completely gone. I gave it a little more time, but when I noticed the discomfort still lingering, I went back to him for a follow-up.

The Chiropractic Adjustment That Helped Me Understand More

During this visit, he performed a few different adjustments, but one, in particular, stood out to me. As I lay flat on my back, he took my left leg and gave a gentle but firm jerk straight out. Then he did the same with my right leg. Immediately, I felt a release in my hip area, and that’s when I remembered something—I had been experiencing a strange sensation right where my hip bone meets my pelvis.

When I mentioned this to him, he explained that I have something called muscle spasticity. I had heard the term before, but I didn’t fully understand what it meant in my case until he broke it down.

What Is Muscle Spasticity?

Muscle spasticity is when a muscle remains tight or contracted involuntarily, often as a protective mechanism. The body does this to create stability, especially when it senses that something about your movement pattern isn’t quite right.

In my case, because my walking is not completely normal and I have been relearning how to walk, my body has developed some compensations. When we walk, our hips naturally rotate to keep us balanced and moving forward efficiently. But if something interferes with that movement—like past injuries or improper muscle activation—the body may respond by tightening muscles to prevent instability. That tightness, in turn, can lead to pain, discomfort, and limited mobility.

The Bible reminds us in Psalm 18:32: "It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect." Even when my movements aren’t perfect, He is strengthening me daily.

A massage gun

The Impact on My Walking & Leg Pain

I realized that my hip and leg muscles have been overworking to compensate for the challenges I face with walking. My gait mechanics (how I walk) aren’t the same as they used to be, so my muscles have had to adjust in ways they weren’t originally designed to. Over time, this has created tension and spasticity, which contributed to the pain I was feeling from my hip down to my ankle.

While this realization was frustrating at first, it also gave me hope. If my muscles had adapted to move differently, that meant they could also adapt again—to move more efficiently, more smoothly. It wouldn’t happen overnight, but with practice and consistency, I could make progress. As Romans 5:3-4 teaches us: "We glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope."

How I’m Addressing It – Massage Gun Therapy

After identifying the issue, my chiropractor recommended that I get a massage gun to help manage the muscle tightness. If you’re not familiar with them, a massage gun works by using percussion therapy, which means it delivers rapid pulses to the muscles to increase circulation, break up tightness, and promote relaxation.

I’ve already ordered one, and I’m looking forward to seeing how it helps with my hip, thigh, and calf muscles. My goal is to reduce the spasticity, improve my mobility, and make walking more comfortable. (Easier said than done)! Each step I take, each exercise I do, is an opportunity to refine and improve. I remind myself of Isaiah 40:31: "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

I never realized how much hip rotation and muscle balance affect the way we move until I started experiencing these challenges firsthand. It’s been a learning process, but I’m thankful for the knowledge I’m gaining along the way.

Muscle Spasticity: Progressing Toward Graceful Movement

Muscle spasticity doesn’t mean I move like a rigid, jerky robot or a character from a horror film. It’s a challenge, yes, but one I’ve been tackling head-on. My goal has always been to make my movements as smooth and natural as possible, and I’ve seen remarkable progress.

They say practice makes perfect, and I believe that applies here more than ever. The best way to improve my movement is to keep moving—to push myself, refine each step, and identify areas that still need work. If I notice something that feels off or awkward, I don’t just accept it. Instead, I focus on that specific motion, adjusting and strengthening the muscles involved until I see improvement.

Spasticity can be unpredictable, but consistency is key. Every stretch, every exercise, every deliberate step forward is part of the bigger picture. Some days, the progress is small—so subtle that only I can tell the difference. Other days, I hit a breakthrough, a moment where everything aligns, and I move with the ease and control I’ve been working toward. Those moments remind me why I keep going. 2 Timothy 1:7 reminds me: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

Through all of this, my faith has been my foundation. In moments of frustration, I remind myself of Philippians 4:13: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." When progress feels slow, I lean on Psalm 46:1: "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

I share this information because I just became aware of it last week. Even though I have been living my recovery journey for all these years, I still don’t know everything there is to know about myself. I might have a good idea, or I might not be fully aware of all the facts. To me, that is a lesson I can equate to my spirituality.

I have been a Christian for a long time and have learned a lot, but I do not know everything. It is important for me to realize that, so that I may continue to grow when new truths are revealed on my path. When we come to know Christ, we don’t suddenly experience all His wonders at once. Our growth in grace begins when we start on that journey of learning about God, the more we walk with Him, the more we learn of Him and the more we become like Him. (hopefully) Proverbs 4:18 tells us: "But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day."

Final Thoughts

The journey isn’t about eliminating spasticity altogether—that may not be realistic—but rather learning how to work with it, to adapt and refine until my movements become as fluid and effortless as possible. It’s a process, but one that’s well worth the effort.

If you’ve ever dealt with tightness, discomfort, or spasticity in your legs or hips, a chiropractic adjustment or massage therapy might help. It’s always worth exploring different options and learning more about how our bodies work.

I’ll update you all on how the massage gun works for me in the future! Have you ever experienced muscle spasticity or tightness from movement compensation? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Be encouraged. 🧡

 

Trusting the Process: my job search

For the past ten years, my home and my heart have been devoted to homeschooling. It was more than just a job; it was a calling, a purpose, and a structured part of my life. (previous post From Student to Teacher) But as that chapter has now closed, I find myself standing at the beginning of something entirely new—seeking a part-time job outside the house for the first time in 16 years.

And let me tell you, this is not easy.

Facing the Unknown

It’s one thing to decide to pursue a job. It’s another thing to step into that pursuit, facing the reality of interviews, unfamiliar environments, and the logistics of navigating new spaces. The thought of walking into a facility for the first time, not knowing the layout, wondering how I’ll maneuver confidently—it’s intimidating.

For me, that initial walk-up feels like a vulnerable moment. I like to be strong, prepared, and independent. But this process exposes uncertainty, and that’s hard to accept. There’s a part of me that sees it as a weakness, and I wrestle with that.

Yet, I am reminded of 2 Corinthians 12:9:"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

God is not hindered by my weaknesses. He is magnified in them. This season of transition is not about proving my strength—it’s about leaning on His.

Looking Back to Move Forward

But then I remind myself—I have felt this way before.

There was a time when the thought of driving felt impossible. When discussions about getting my license arose, my mind immediately went to the logistics: "How am I going to physically walk back to the trunk to retrieve my walker?"

That question alone felt like an immovable obstacle. And yet… I do it now. It’s part of my routine, something I once thought was nearly unattainable.

This reminds me of Philippians 4:13: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

It wasn’t instant. It wasn’t easy. But with each step, I adapted, learned, and persevered. And if God brought me through that, then I trust He will bring me through this too.

Navigating the Job Search

To help me navigate this unfamiliar process, I’ve been working with a job coach. This has been a blessing because, while I am eager to start working, I also have to consider certain income and salary caps. These factors add another layer of complexity to my search.

It’s not just about finding any job—it’s about finding the right fit. I have valuable skills and experience to offer, and I don’t want to limit myself by rushing into something that isn’t aligned with my strengths or needs. But I also don’t want to settle out of fear or impatience.

This brings to mind Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

God has already prepared the path ahead. My job is to trust Him and take one step at a time.

Balancing Patience and Action

I find myself in a delicate balance—taking action while waiting on God’s direction. It’s easy to get discouraged when things don’t move as quickly as I’d like. Some days, I feel confident. Other days, I wonder if I’ll ever find the right opportunity.

But I remind myself of Isaiah 40:31: "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

Waiting on the Lord is not passive—it’s active trust. I should be an expert by now! It’s believing that even when I can’t see the whole picture, He is working on my behalf.

Strength is Not the Absence of Struggle

I used to think that strength meant never feeling unsure, afraid, or overwhelmed. But I’m learning that true strength is pressing forward despite those feelings. It’s admitting when something is hard but refusing to let it stop me.

Psalm 46:1 reminds me: "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

So, while stepping into the workforce after so many years is scary, I know that I am not alone. God has been faithful through every season of my life, and He will be faithful in this one too.

One Step at a Time

This job search—this new, uncertain chapter—is another mountain to climb. And while I may not have all the answers, I do know this: I’ve overcome before, and I will again.

So if you’re facing something new—something that feels overwhelming—remember this: growth happens in the moments when we feel the most uncertain. Strength isn’t just about having it all figured out; it’s about showing up anyway.

This journey is intimidating, but it’s mine to take. And step by step, I’ll find my way.

As Joshua 1:9 says: “Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."

I don’t know exactly where this road leads, but I do know Who is guiding my steps.

And that is enough.

The Mountain Path: A Journey, Not Just a Climb

I know you’ve heard me talk about mountains to climb—about facing obstacles, pushing through challenges, and experiencing victory. But when you really think about it, climbing a mountain is not just about going straight up.

If you’ve ever hiked a real mountain, you’ll notice that the trail is rarely a direct path. If it were, the ascent would be so steep that you’d have to crawl or struggle to gain footing. Instead, most trails zigzag back and forth, weaving through switchbacks. At times, it may feel like you’re taking the long way around, looping and retracing steps rather than making direct progress. But those winding paths exist for a reason—they make the climb manageable.

That’s how life’s challenges often unfold. We want to tackle them head-on, to move in a straight line from struggle to success. But God, in His wisdom, often leads us through a different route—one that may seem longer or even repetitive, but ultimately, it is the path that will get us to the top.

This reminds me of Isaiah 55:8-9: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."

I may not always understand why the path looks the way it does, but I can trust that God’s plan is higher than mine. He sees the whole mountain when I only see the next step.

So, as I navigate this season of change—searching for a new job, stepping into unfamiliar territory—I remind myself that the journey doesn’t have to be rushed or taken in a single stride. If God is leading me on a winding path, it’s because He knows it’s the best way for me to reach the top.

And when I get there, I’ll look back and see that every turn, every step, and every challenge had a purpose.

Psalm 37:23 says: "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way."

So, I will keep walking, trusting that each step—no matter how indirect it seems—is leading me exactly where I am meant to be.

Tell me, what are you searching for?

Be encouraged. 🧡

From Ventilator to Victory

One of the injuries I suffered during the 2009 motorcycle wreck included having a collapsed lung. Due to my inability to take deep breaths, I was given a tracheostomy, commonly referred to as a trach, which meant that I was hooked to a ventilator to aid in my breathing. Because of the ventilator, I temporarily lost the ability to speak orally, as the trach bypassed my vocal cords.

The Ventilator

Understanding the Trach and Vent

A tracheostomy (trach) is a surgically created opening in the neck that leads directly to the windpipe (trachea). A tube is placed in this opening to help with breathing when a person cannot do so effectively on their own. In my case, the trach allowed me to receive oxygen and ventilation support when my body wasn’t able to maintain proper airflow.

A ventilator (vent) is a machine that helps with breathing. It delivers oxygen through tubing connected to the trach, ensuring air reaches the lungs. The vent can either fully or partially support the breathing process. My vent was a constant presence, often jokingly referred to by my respiratory therapist as R2-D2 from Star Wars.

Attached to the trach were various tubes and accessories, including a humidifier to keep air moist and prevent dryness in my airway. Another critical part of trach care was suctioning, which involved removing mucus and secretions that could build up and block the airway. A thin, flexible tube was gently inserted through the trach to clear out mucus and secretions. While the process wasn’t painful, it looked and felt unusual. Keeping my airway clean was essential to prevent complications, and I was fortunate to have a great medical team ensuring it was done properly.

Deep breathing was virtually non-existent for me at that time, as the ventilator took over the work of breathing. The dependency on the ventilator was so significant that every time I was moved from my hospital bed to my wheelchair, the trach had to be disconnected and quickly reconnected. Without it, I would rapidly start turning blue due to the lack of oxygen. My airway was exposed, making ventilation a non-stop necessity in my life at that time.

The ventilator regulated my breathing in a specific rhythm, which meant that any disruption, such as emotional distress, could trigger alarms. If I began to cry or became overly emotional, the ventilator would react by sounding those alarms, immediately alerting the nurses and therapists. In moments like these, my hospital room would fill with medical staff ensuring my oxygen levels remained stable.

The Trach

I quickly learned that suppressing my emotions was the easiest way to avoid triggering the ventilator’s alarms and the subsequent flood of medical attention. It was an adjustment, realizing that something as natural as expressing emotions could have such a direct impact on my physical well-being. During this time, I had to mentally adapt, finding ways to cope with my feelings without physically reacting in a way that could compromise my breathing.

Having a respiratory therapist was both a necessity and, at times, a welcome break. I had one during the day and another at night, but the one at night always had a good sense of humor. I remember how he’d jokingly insist that I should ditch my vent, calling it R2-D2 from Star Wars. While I wasn’t quite ready to part with it at the time, his teasing made the situation feel a little less heavy.

One of the more unnerving moments with my vent was the night my alarms went off unexpectedly. I was already in bed when something happened—I passed out. Thankfully, I was lying down when my blood pressure skyrocketed to a dangerously high level, 180 over 200. A crushing headache followed, and when I came to, my room was full of medical staff. No one had a clear explanation for what happened, but I could tell by their faces that it wasn’t something to take lightly. Moments like that reminded me how delicate my situation was, but also how quickly the team around me responded when I needed them most.

The Challenge of Independent Breathing

The Button and Oxygen

The respiratory physicians did not have high hopes that I could breathe without the ventilator. So when the main doctor left on vacation, the assistant physician came in and said, "We are going to try independent breathing." We knew this was a big deal because I had not had independent breathing for almost three months, which is a long time to be dependent on a ventilator. Most people are not on them that long, and when they are, they usually do not come off of them.

For the daytime, I would be off of the vent and back on it during the night. My mom physically had to sit in the room and coach me through the process, saying, "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out." Since I had not done this on my own in so long, I needed to retrain my body on how it was done.

After a couple of days of this, that same assistant physician said, "Okay, she has been doing well. We are going to let her spend a night in the ICU without the trach, for observation, and see how that goes." Needless to say, I was nervous, spending the night in the ICU, breathing on my own with no trach. But the next day, it all proved fruitful, and I made that hurdle.

When the main respiratory doctor returned to the hospital, I believe he was a bit stunned by what had taken place. But I love when people who might inadvertently underestimate God are proved wrong. Humans are very smart, but they don’t know everything.

With that success, I was ready to be off my trach.

The Final Steps After My Tracheostomy Removal

The Plug

After my tracheostomy was removed, there were two important steps before my stoma fully closed. The first was the trach button, a small device placed in the opening to keep it from closing too quickly. This allowed doctors to monitor my breathing and ensure I could manage secretions without any complications.

The next step was the stoma stent (or plug). This was a smaller insert that helped the stoma gradually close while still providing a safeguard in case I had trouble breathing. Over time, my body adjusted, and the stoma naturally sealed.

These steps were crucial in making sure I transitioned safely from having a trach to breathing completely on my own.

During this transition, they also put me on oxygen tanks, which I used constantly after weaning off the trach.

Once the doctors determined that everything was stable, they removed the button, and we simply covered the hole with a band-aid. They reassured us that it would heal quickly, and they showed my mom the proper way to clean the area. The hole was at least the diameter of my pinky, if not larger, but within 24 to 36 hours, it had completely healed.

The oxygen I used came in the tall canisters you might be familiar with, and I was on it 24/7 for several months. Even after returning home to North Carolina, I still needed it at night. But thankfully, after a little while—just a few months—it was all taken away. That was a relief, another milestone in my journey of healing and faith.

Now I have zero breathing assistance since 2009-2010.

The Power of Every Breath

To me, every breath means a lot. When you can take a deep breath or sigh of relief and just feel the fresh air going in and coming out of your body, it's pretty amazing if you think about it. That’s why it is important that we use every breath to its fullest potential, because not everyone has that opportunity. The very act of breathing, something so many take for granted, became something I cherished.

As Job 33:4 reminds us: "The Spirit of God hath made me, and the breath of the Almighty hath given me life."

Breathing is a gift, a sign of life, and a testament to God’s grace. Psalm 150:6  says, "Let every thing that hath breath praise the Lord. Praise ye the Lord." My journey has taught me that even the simplest things, like taking a breath, are blessings that should never be overlooked.

A Testament to God's Faithfulness

Looking back, that season of my life was both physically and emotionally challenging. Relying on a ventilator for survival was an experience that reshaped how I viewed something as fundamental as breathing. It made me appreciate the ability to breathe independently even more and gave me a newfound respect for those who live with long-term respiratory support. My journey with the trach and ventilator was another testament to God’s grace and the resilience He instilled in me to navigate such a difficult chapter of my recovery.

Isaiah 42:5 beautifully states: "Thus saith God the Lord, he that created the heavens, and stretched them out; he that spread forth the earth, and that which cometh out of it; he that giveth breath unto the people upon it, and spirit to them that walk therein."

I am forever grateful for the breath that God has given me and for the strength He has provided through every step of this journey.

This experience didn’t just teach me about breathing—it taught me about trusting God even when the odds seemed impossible. If He could bring me through that, I know He can carry me through anything.

Please share, how do you make your breaths matter?

Be encouraged. 🧡

Faith, Friendship, and a White Washcloth

Managing Saliva: A Journey of Adaptation and Unexpected Blessings

Some topics are tough, but sharing them can encourage others facing similar challenges. Today, I want to share my experience with saliva control—or rather, my lack of it—following my 2009 accident.

Yankauer Tip

No Swallowing, No Control

When I suffered my injuries, one of the immediate effects was losing my ability to swallow. This meant I had an overabundance of saliva that I could not control or keep in my mouth. I also had a near-constant nasal drip, making things even harder. The saliva and nasal fluid flowed almost non-stop, making it necessary to have a way to keep things sanitary.

To manage this, I relied on a Yankauer suction tool, a medical device designed to clear secretions. It became a constant companion in my daily routine. It’s typically attached to a suction hose and designed for efficient fluid removal. Its durable construction and ergonomic shape make it a reliable instrument in bedside care settings.

This device was something I had to use all the time. I had to change out the suction tip regularly, and nurses would sometimes need to replace the hose.

Fixed Suction Room Design

In old pictures of me in my wheelchair or hospital bed, you might see a white washcloth near my neck. That wasn’t just for comfort—it was to catch any extra saliva or nasal drip. Managing this at night was a constant battle. I would wake up to find my washcloth completely saturated, and this happened from the very first day and continued without stopping.

Then, one night, something changed. I woke up the next morning, and my nasal drip was completely gone. Just like that. I don’t know what happened, but I see it as an unexpected blessing from the Lord. I don’t know where all that liquid went, but I am beyond grateful that it stopped.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1)

Life at Home: Adjusting to New Routines

Once I returned home, I still relied on a suction system for a few months, but this time, I had a portable Yankauer Box that collected the liquid into a container. My mom had to empty it daily—sometimes even twice a day—because it would fill up quickly. To help with odor control (because let’s be honest, mouth fluids don’t smell great), we would pour a little Listerine into the container to keep things fresher.

Portable Yankauer Box Components

To help reduce my saliva production, I also wear a prescription Scopolamine patch. It’s a small patch I wear behind my ear, alternating sides every 72 hours. While it has helped tremendously, my saliva production still varies depending on the weather. When it’s rainy or snowy, my saliva tends to increase, which can make management a bit more challenging.

Lessons in Adaptation

Looking back, learning to manage my saliva was not just about medical devices and hygiene—it was about patience, adaptation, and persistence. It was frustrating, exhausting, and sometimes discouraging, but over time, I found ways to improve.

I hope that by sharing this, others who may be struggling with similar challenges can know they’re not alone. Some improvements happen slowly over time, and some—like my nasal drip disappearing—happen in an instant, reminding me that God is always at work, even in the smallest details.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

The Importance of Weight Shifting: Preventing Pressure Sores

Wheelchair Weight Shift, 2009

While learning to manage saliva was one challenge, preventing pressure sores was another crucial aspect of my recovery. I needed to know how to manage pressure on my body due to extended periods of lying in bed or sitting in a wheelchair. When mobility is limited, it’s crucial to be mindful of weight distribution to prevent pressure sores—a serious issue that can develop when too much pressure is placed on the same areas of skin for too long.

Weight Shifting in My Wheelchair

To prevent pressure sores, I had to perform weight shifts every 30 minutes while sitting in my wheelchair. This meant that every half hour, I would tilt my wheelchair backward, putting myself into a more horizontal position for one full minute. This simple action relieved the constant pressure on my buttocks and lower body, giving my skin a break before I returned to my upright position.

This routine was essential to my daily life. Without regular weight shifts, people who are constantly in a wheelchair or bedridden are at high risk for skin breakdown. Pressure sores can become extremely painful, take a long time to heal, and even lead to serious infections. That’s why caregivers and medical staff emphasize the importance of movement, even if it’s small adjustments like tilting in a chair or repositioning in bed.

Repositioning in the Hospital: No Such Thing as Undisturbed Sleep

While in the hospital, I couldn’t perform weight shifts on my own while lying in bed, so the nurses took on that responsibility. Every four hours, they would come to reposition me—sometimes moving me onto my back, then four hours later shifting me to my right side, propping me up with pillows and blankets, and then next time moving me to my left side.

This wasn’t just during the day—it happened throughout the night as well. So, as you can imagine, getting a full night of undisturbed sleep in the hospital was impossible. Just as I’d start to drift into deeper rest, it would be time for another repositioning. While frustrating at times, I knew it was necessary to protect my skin and prevent pressure sores from forming.

Visitors

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Why Weight Shifting Matters

For anyone with limited mobility, whether due to an injury, surgery, or a medical condition, being proactive about weight shifts is key. Caregivers play a vital role in helping those who cannot shift their weight on their own, ensuring their loved ones don’t experience painful skin damage.

Looking back, I’m thankful that I was taught the importance of weight shifting early on in my recovery. Though it was a simple action, it was a necessary step in maintaining my health and preventing further complications.

The Power of Presence: Family Visits and Support

One of the greatest blessings during my recovery was the unwavering support of my family, friends, and coworkers. Being over four hours away from home at Shepherd Center in Atlanta, Georgia, I knew visits weren’t always easy. Yet, despite the distance, my family and loved ones made the effort to visit as often as possible, some even every other weekend, strictly keeping to their visitation routine.

Shepherd Center didn’t restrict visitation, allowing my family to visit freely. That policy made a world of difference in my healing process. The emotional support, the simple presence of a familiar face, and the reminder that I was not forgotten helped me push through even the toughest days.

A Wall of Encouragement

Besides visits, I received countless cards and letters full of prayers and encouragement. My mom taped them onto the hospital wall, and I remember how they covered an entire section of the room—a visual testament to the love and encouragement pouring in from all directions. All the colors of the rainbow with hand written, heart-felt notes. I wish I had taken a photo of it, but I will never forget how that wall of words lifted my spirits.

A Community of Support Online

In addition to physical visits and mail, my mom kept a daily online journal on a website called CaringBridge. She updated it nearly every evening with details about my progress, and then she would sit beside me, reading aloud the comments and messages people left. Many faithful visitors left encouraging words and prayers online, even if they couldn’t visit in person.

Why Support Matters

This taught me that even small gestures make a big difference. Whether it's visiting someone in the hospital, sending a card, or even leaving a kind message online, those simple acts can uplift a weary heart.

The Bible tells us in Matthew 25:36, “I was sick, and ye visited me.” We are called to care for and encourage those in difficult circumstances, whether they are sick, injured, or facing hardship. I am forever grateful for those who showed up for me—both physically and in spirit—during one of the hardest times in my life.

“And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25)

If you ever wonder whether your kindness matters, let me assure you—it does.

Just as God provided relief from my nasal drip overnight, He also surrounded me with a loving support system during my recovery. Through every challenge—big or small—God’s presence and the love of those around me carried me through.

 Be encouraged. 🧡

                                🎵Amazing Grace My Chains are Gone